Living Loved, Loving Well: Cultivating Healthy Relationships 

I recently replayed a conversation with a friend. Something about it left me unsettled. You probably know the mental gymnastics I performed afterward. Did I say too much? Not enough? Did she hear what I meant—or only what I said? 

One uneasy moment clung to me, and before I knew it, I had piled it on top of other relational weights: a text from a family member that stung, a tense silence with my husband, even the guilt that my prayers hadn’t felt “deep enough” lately. 

Relationships are complicated. They are a source of great joy or deep ache. Marriage, friendships, family ties, and—above all—our relationship with God: each is a thread woven into the fabric of our lives. When one thread frays, the whole cloth trembles. 

Here’s the truth that steadies me: God cares about every thread. He’s invested in our marriages, friendships, and how we show up for one another. He cares that we love well and remain tethered to His love as both source and outflow. We long for healthy relationships—because He wants us to experience them. 

The Foundation 

My calendar is packed with deadlines, ministry, travel, and wedding planning for our daughter. Because I lean toward busyness, I know the danger: pouring into everyone else until I’m brittle, waspish, spiritually drained, wondering why I feel so empty. 

Lately, I’ve chosen presence over performance. Instead of trying to feel loved while frantically doing life, I’m rearranging life so I can stay close to Love in the middle of it. 

Every relationship I try to hold together flows from the health of the one I often neglect when time wanes—my relationship with God. 

Jesus said it plainly in John 15:4–5: 
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.” 

When we stay close enough to hear Christ’s heartbeat and let His love steady us, healthy relationships grow. We don’t have to manufacture patience, compassion, or forgiveness. His Spirit bears that fruit in us. 

With Him, we live in overflow. The first step in cultivating healthy relationships is to remain attached to Jesus. 

Friendships: Choosing Community Over Isolation 

Not long ago, I received a text from a friend: “I prayed for you today.” No fanfare. No conversation. Just words that landed like lifeboats on a weary day. 

Friendship doesn’t require grand gestures. Showing up, listening, or reminding someone they’re not alone is enough. 

As an introvert, that hasn’t always come naturally. I preferred solitude, even when it felt lonely. But Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) nudged me: 
“A man who has friends must himself be friendly . . . ” 

Friendship requires risk,  vulnerability, and investment. But the return is priceless. Healthy friendships brace us when our strength wobbles. They challenge us toward growth. They are safe spaces to laugh, cry, heal, and be real. 

Family: Grace Where It’s Hardest 

Family can bring out both our best and our worst. Love runs deep, but so do old hurts. A single word can reopen ancient rifts. How do we build healthy relationships with people who both celebrate us and hold us to versions of ourselves we’ve outgrown? 

Colossians 3:12–14 offers a way forward: 
“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another. . . . And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” 

In practice, this is messy. It looks like biting your tongue instead of snapping back. Forgiving the slight that still stings. Honoring differences you don’t understand. 

Healthy families don’t ignore tension; they love through it. They set boundaries that protect peace and choose grace, patience, and kindness, even when it costs. 

Marriage: Loving Daily, Not Perfectly 

Marriage is two imperfect people choosing daily to walk together with God at the center. 

Jonathan and I have had our share of tense moments. Once, after a painful clash, we spent two long days in silence. Nothing passed between us but the chill of avoidance. We now refer to it as “the discussion.” 

I am grateful that God shows up—in the laughter that follows a fight, in the prayer whispered through clenched hands, in the stubborn decision to stay and to love. 

Ephesians 5:25 reminds us: 
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” 
That love is sacrificial, steady, grace-filled. And marriage reflects the Church’s response to Christ—honoring, respectful, humble. 

Healthy marriages grow in mutual surrender—to God first, then to each other. They’re a proving ground for humility and grace. 

When Relationships Hurt 

Not every relationship feels safe. Despite our best efforts, things break. Words wound. Trust shatters. Distance grows. 

Psalm 34:18 assures us: 
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” 

God sees the tears you’ve cried over relationships that ache.  

Healthy doesn’t always mean reconciliation. It may mean forgiving when restoration isn’t possible. Releasing control and entrusting the outcome to God. Praying for the one who hurt you—even if your heart isn’t fully there yet. 

These pave the brave path toward freedom. 

Best Practices for All Relationships 

No matter who’s across the table—a spouse, a friend, a sibling, or someone who feels impossible—the same heart habits cultivate health. 

One night after a long day, Jonathan turned toward me ready to talk. I was tired, halfway through a Sudoku puzzle on my phone. But something in his face made me set it down and really listen. Ten minutes later he whispered, “Thanks for listening, Gorgeous.” 
 

Choosing to listen instead of rushing on created a precious moment. 

Here are a few practices that shape every relationship: 

• Listen More Than You Speak. Listening makes others feel valued. 

• Practice Gratitude. Thank God for the people in your life—and thank them too. Gratitude shifts your focus from flaws to gifts. 

• Set Healthy Boundaries. Boundaries protect love from resentment.  

• Forgive Quickly. Forgiveness frees us from chains we were never meant to carry. 

• Pray Often. Prayer softens our hearts, changes our perspective, and invites God’s wisdom where ours dwindles. 

Healthy relationships are cultivated—like gardens—by daily choices decisions to love well. 

Living Loved, Loving Well 

One of my favorite places to walk is a six-mile pathway along the Detroit River. The river is a flowing border between nations. It doesn’t stagnate or hoard its source. Fed by Lake St. Clair, it empties into Lake Erie. 

Jesus used the image of a river to describe the impact of His life on followers: 
“Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them” (John 7:38). 

The Holy Spirit is our source—unceasing, abundant, life-giving. His presence flows through us, into others. We are, like rivers, fed, sustained, and emptied. 

Healthy relationships thrive on connection; the steady current of God’s love. You won’t cooperate perfectly. Just abide in Jesus, let His love spill over, and take one step at a time. 

When you live loved by God, you will love others well. And loving well is the truest mark of health in every relationship. 

—Written by Cheryl Shumake. Used by permission from the author.