Even If . . .

“What would you do if it was you, doctor?”

“Look. If you’re up for holding off the inevitable, you’ll just need to be okay with bloodwork and appointments every three months, potential difficulties with managing your medication dosages, plus annual ultrasounds and biopsies. But you’re young, and this problem isn’t going to go away. So, if it was me, I’d go ahead and have the surgery.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what I expected. What are the possible risks other than the basic things that come along with any surgical procedure?”

“Well, it’s not common, but there’s always the risk of permanent damage to the vocal cords.”

Ugh. There it was. The one thing I knew deep down was a possibility but wasn’t prepared to actually hear spoken out loud. When those words came out of my doctor’s mouth, it felt as if the floor fell out from under me. As my head spun, I was taken to another room for a nasal endoscopy that I was definitely not mentally prepared for (ouch!). I wish I could say that my first thoughts were, “Your will be done; I trust You.” Unfortunately, I had to attend a pity party before I got there—I unleashed a barrage of questions at God:

• My voice is directly tied to my family’s livelihood; how will we make it financially if something happens?

• You called me to sing and share about Your redemption! What does this mean if I can’t even sing?

• Music gives me one of the greatest joys of my life! Would you take that away from me?

After a few days of strenuous wrestling, I felt God telling me that it really came down to two things: do I trust Him, and do I believe He is still good even if the worst happens?

As believers, we have this incredible gift in the passage of time. We can look back; we can remember—see God’s hand woven throughout our own stories. 

The word translated “remember” occurs 240 times throughout the Bible, so surely this is something we cannot ignore. From Deuteronomy 5:15 where God is telling the Israelites to remember that it was He who brought them out of Egypt, to Matthew 16:9 when Jesus reminded the disciples about the miracle of the bread and fish when they were once again worried about food, Scripture is full of calls to remember. 

So, that’s what I started to do: I began to remember. Had my family and I walked through some hard times over the years? Absolutely. Harder than anything my younger self would have ever anticipated. But was God still good through it all? It didn’t take long for me to answer with a resounding yes. Without a doubt! He provided for us when our income shrank to a fraction during the pandemic. He was our comfort and supernatural peace when walking through some devastating losses. He was faithful to bring me through the most unexpected and catastrophic season in my marriage. Would He have still been good had our marriage never been restored? Another resounding yes. The work He did in my heart through all of it was worth all the pain. That’s the kind of God He is and will be again. He doesn’t waste anything. He redeems everything in His own beautiful, perfect way and timing.

If I trusted Him, and if He was indeed good no matter what, that left me with just one thing to do: I had to lay my voice at the altar. I was shocked to discover the idol I had made of it and the identity I was placing in my ministry role as opposed to my identity in simply being His. It wasn’t until there was a chance of it being taken away from me that I was able to see that so clearly. I had to trust and believe that He was for me, that He wouldn’t waste anything that may have come from the surgery, and that I would still have a role in pointing others to Him regardless of how that may look in the future. His ways are always better than mine, no matter how many times I think that I know better or, more likely, how little I understand about His plan.

Thankfully, I now have the surgery behind me and am on my way to a full vocal recovery, but I know that God would have still been good had I woken up from the anesthesia to the news of vocal damage. Sure, I would have needed to mourn the loss, but what a gift to know and trust that He has and always will make beauty from the ashes if we let Him. 

I’m continuing to learn that this walk of faith is ever evolving and ever calling me to more. More submission, more reliance, and more of Him.

Maybe you’re in a tough season right now. You might be waiting for your prodigal to come home, for some answers surrounding health, or for direction on how to move forward in your current circumstances. Whatever that may be for you, ask yourself these two questions: Can I trust Him? Is He still good even if my ending doesn’t look like what I’m hoping for?

If you’re not sure of your answer, or if you could just use the reminder, I encourage you to try some of these ideas below:

• Spend some time asking God to reveal to you the times His goodness and faithfulness have been woven throughout your own story. Then, write these memories down in a journal or on individual slips of paper you can keep them in a remembrance box.

• Find someone who has been walking faithfully with the Lord for many years and ask them to share their story with you. Make note of the ways God has shown that He is trustworthy throughout their life.

• Go on a hunt in your Bible to find some examples of God demonstrating His faithfulness to His people, despite the sometimes impossible circumstances. Write these verses down and refer to them daily in your prayer time as you seek Him in your current season.

–Written by Stephanie Teague. Used by permission from the author. Click here to connect with Stephanie.