There are lots of questions I’ve asked God as a result of being single for the entirety of my adult life.
“Why me, God?”
“What’s your plan for me in this?”
“Why not me, God?”
“Is this a forever thing or a for-right-now thing?”
And, as one singleness meme I’ve seen floating around many times says, “If singleness is a gift, where do I find the return receipt?”
Some of those questions are more helpful than others, but I’ve yet to find definitive answers to any of them in my life. What I have worked through some answers to, though, is trying to live the best life I can for God, exactly as I am right now. Fortunately, I also happen to serve a God who came to earth in the form of Jesus, who, most scholars agree, lived all of his earthly life as a single person. It’s fitting, then, that we look to Jesus in how to live, no matter our relationship status–but there a few specific actions of Jesus that we see throughout the Gospels that I think are particularly helpful for single people.
What Jesus Shows Us
- We see Jesus seek out and pay attention to people others may have overlooked. One example is when Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well, told in John 4. There was great tension between Jews and Samaritans, so it would’ve been surprising that Jesus even spoke to this woman. Instead of a casual conversation of exchanging pleasantries, Jesus proceeds to engage with her deeply. Most importantly, Jesus calls her to a better life—one of following him. In the story of the man possessed by demons (Mark 5:1–20), Jesus again goes to someone overlooked and outcast by society. This man lived in the wilderness by himself because people were too afraid to even be near him—everyone except for Jesus. Sometimes, those of us who are single may find ourselves feeling overlooked. While I know firsthand how painful that can be, I’ve also seen how it can be a reminder to me to pay attention to the people around me and seek to invite others in when maybe no one else has.
- We see Jesus spending time with and loving others. His twelve disciples are the most obvious examples of this, because they traveled from place to place, ate, and lived life together. But Jesus’ circle widened beyond his disciples as well. John 11:5 specifically says, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus” (NIV), and the Gospels record many instances of Jesus teaching to groups both large and small. His first miracle was performed at a wedding, where it seems safe to imagine that Jesus had, in addition to family (his mother Mary), at least some acquaintances, if not actual friends. All of this is a reminder to us that, while it can at times feel easier to stick to ourselves and not risk the messy complications of deep relationships, we need them.
- We see Jesus giving himself completely to the mission God set before him. Even when he was still young, Jesus began listening and even teaching in the temple (Luke 21:46–49). Once he began his formal ministry, he spent his time teaching others what it meant to believe in God’s mission and to live it out. But his biggest commitment to the mission God the Father gave him was his willingness to give his actual life so that he might save ours. While we can never come anywhere close to matching Jesus’s level of commitment, we can continue to seek God’s mission for our lives and live it out in every way possible.
Following Jesus in Each Phase of Our Lives
I recently had a powerful reminder of this in church, when we sang the song “Abandoned” by Benjamin William Hastings. It talks of completely, deeply, and sincerely abandoning ourselves to God’s will, even reminding us of the need to do this in every stage of our lives.
The ultimate way we live our lives well is by turning it over to God and repeatedly handing over control each time we to try to take it back. This is true for me as I continue to navigate singleness, and I hope each of us can continue to trust God more fully with every piece of our lives no matter what our journey looks like today, tomorrow, or in twenty years.
—Written by Brianna Dewitt. Used by permission from the author.
