“God, save me!” I cried as I fell to my knees in the middle of my dusty garage. Seventeen, I knelt on the ground, crying and pleading, not realizing I was experiencing the work of the Holy Spirit. I had hit rock bottom, literally, in the consequences of my bad choices. Looking back, I can see that.
Growing up, I was aware of God, though I didn’t see Him in my life. Some of my earliest memories include seeing my mother baptized and attending my babysitter’s church. Labeling my family religious or Christian would be a stretch. My mother taught me about God in practical ways and had a profound impact as I witnessed her praying at her bedside every morning. However, other than praying at breakfast and reciting the prayer, “Now, I lay me down to sleep,” I did not understand the power of prayer or have a personal relationship with God.
In addition to my mother, my grandmother and aunt were vital in my upbringing. However, my father was not around. I had many interactions with my dad during my early childhood, but the damage of infidelity and sin plagued my parents’ relationship. They found themselves in a vicious cycle of break-up and make-up. Eventually, my dad married again. Sadly, I got caught in the middle. My relationship with him became a casualty of their warfare. He and his new wife began to build their family, while I became a shadow of his past. Instead of time with him, I received broken and empty promises. Every so often I would be invited to his house, but that stopped when I was about eight years old. Suddenly, my father told me, “My wife is uncomfortable with you,” and I was no longer welcome in their home.
Despite the broken relationship with my dad, I continued to function in what I would call a healthy way. I excelled academically and in extracurricular activities. I had friendships with everyone, but I was unable to commit to any one group. When I turned sixteen, my behavior reflected the effects of growing up without a father. The lyrics to my favorite song, “No Daddy” by Teairra Mari: “I ain’t had no daddy around when I was growing up; that’s why I’m wild, and I don’t give . . . ” This song was relevant, and became my anthem and excuse for my behavior.
I became angry, wild, and rebellious as a broken teenager searching for love in all the wrong places. I searched for love in unhealthy relationships, sports, and eventually harmful substances to temporarily fill the painful void in my heart. Not knowing that I could not find what I looked for in these ways. I experienced mood swings, going from a state of emotional satisfaction to volatile anger and self-loathing. I struggled with the fact that I looked just like my father and that my mother called me a “daddy’s girl.” A daddy’s girl, I thought to myself. He does not want anything to do with me.
By the age of seventeen, my behavior spiraled into an on-again-off-again-on-again relationship with a typical bad boy; he had been to jail, hung out on the streets selling drugs, and drank. He provided me with attention I thought was the love I had been missing. I followed him, regardless of what he did. It started with drinking — and escalated to me being an accomplice to several of his crimes. No one saw it coming.
I had three criminal cases pending against me, and two were felonies. I had never been in this type of trouble in my life, and felt utterly alone. I rebelled against my mother and moved out to be with my boyfriend. He bounced back and forth between the mother of his unborn child and me. The only person I felt I could depend on was myself. I remember my nonchalant attitude about the situation: I do not really care about what happens to me. I am glad my future is not up to me at the moment.
I remember sitting in a detective’s office after participating in a crime; guilty as charged. I will never forget the female detective looking me in the face, telling how she had been in my exact situation: fallen for a no-good guy, doing anything to cover for him. She pleaded, “Let this go, let him go.” But I remained stubborn. I lied to her, just as he told me to. I watched disappointment wash over her face. As I walked out, I remember thinking, I will be arrested in a matter of days. Instead, days turned into weeks and weeks into months, with no sign of legal trouble or jail time. But I had to always “look over my shoulder.”
Covered in shame, I moved back home with my mom. Regretting so many past decisions, I sat on the couch thinking my life is over. I then attempted to commit suicide. Methodically gathering every pill in the house and taking them, I sat there sobbing. And then I realized I did not want my mom to come into the house and find me dead. So, I called the police to report a suicide. I did not know the 911 operator would send paramedics. Within minutes they burst into my front door, administered lifesaving drugs, and transported me to the hospital.
When I awoke at the hospital, I saw my mother — and my father. He cried, “This is all my fault.” My heart waxed cold towards him at that moment. I thought, how dare you think you are that important that I would make life or death decisions because of you. I sat silent, waiting to pass a psych exam and go home. Inexplicably, they decided against the mental health test and let me leave within a few hours.
As we left the hospital, my mom received an outpouring of messages on her cell phone. Her grandmother unexpectedly died in the very moments when doctors were attempting to save my life. My thoughts reflected on our last time together. I had shown up on her porch for a visit while I was out on the street. She was sure that I was on drugs. Later that night she had told my mom, “I am praying for God to work in Breezy’s life and bring her back.” The severity of the moment and the divine timing hit me.
A year passed following that meeting in the detective’s office. Finally, the law enforcement officer’s words, my suicide attempt, and the death of my great-grandmother came together in the garage that day. I suddenly became overjoyed with how good God had been to me. I realized that, through all my mess, He was still there and that He somehow loved me. Emotionally overwhelmed, that’s why I fell to my knees and called out to God. That day the Spirit of God moved in my life, and I began to reflect on His influence throughout my childhood and up to that very moment. Though I had misunderstood His presence before, I started to see His grace in a whole new way. He had saved my life.
The beginning of my personal prayer journey was rugged. Though I stood firm concerning my salvation through Jesus, and I knew God’s love for me, I approached Him in fear. I thought, any wrong move and He will cast me out, just like I was cast out of my natural father’s presence. By my mid- twenties, I began to experience God as my Father, who wants good for me.
I sat one day reading the Lord’s Prayer, and it hit me. Jesus told us, “Pray like this: Our Father . . .” (Matthew 6:9 NLT). Our Father stuck out, and I began repeating those two words. I felt Jesus inviting me into the fold of God’s family. He spoke to my heart, “Breonna, you’re no longer a slave or an indebted servant; you are a daughter of God.” I became enthralled with that notion — God’s daughter? Me? This new thought also challenged me to ask, what is the right relationship with the heavenly Father? What does that really look like?
FATHERHOOD
I began to study fatherhood. I noticed the love, identity, hope, and inspiration fathers provide to their children. I consumed Bible verses teaching about the Father’s love for us: “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him” (Matthew 7:11 NLT).
Jesus’s statement about prayer illuminated my mind, “Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them” (Mark 11:24). Suddenly the light switched on. I now understood and believed God and the truth of His Word. My heavenly Father was my Father, and promised to provide for me.
God demonstrated such patience with me as I explored and questioned the meaning of this fatherhood relationship with Him. My confidence began to grow and strengthen. When I prayed, my words expressed my heart to heaven. God constantly showed and reminded me, you are my child. I understood He sincerely desires a relationship with me, so I cultivated that relationship through prayer.
MY LIFELINE
Today, prayer is my lifeline. People often come to me for prayer because of the boldness and tenacity God has given me to approach Him. Sometimes I will catch myself on my knees, and I chuckle because I remember seeing my mom in that same posture when I was a little girl. I think of my great- grandmother who was a prayer warrior, in the same posture, praying for me during my rebellion. I am committed to living a life of prayer, knowing that Jesus is living and is interceding on my behalf (Hebrews 7:25). I realize, without a doubt, I’m saved because of the prayers of other people. Now I willingly pray for others, as I am His child.
I like to pray in spoken word, and my experiences seem to resonate with many in the audiences. This prayer is a thank-you to God for His transformation:
CHILD OF THE KING
Abandoned then adopted
Broken then restored
Rejected then accepted
Scarred but made new
Doomed then redeemed
I am the child of the King
Chosen since before time by the Highest to do a great thing
Once torn down by the world and the deceit of the enemy
Believing I was left behind, defeated and disjointed
But my Father has chosen, anointed, and appointed me
Me. The one who watched everything I thought was good be demolished
Me. Treated like a black leather shoe unpolished for the streets and frowned upon everywhere else
Spent countless nights wishing I could be anybody but myself
Until I realized that I am the child of the King
Until I learned the dissemination of grace that seemed to hit everybody but me was really my portion
That I was forgiven of my sins
He canceled out the shame of a lifetime of purpose abortion
He honestly did work it out for my good using every piece of my story
That He would take the deepest darkest places and illuminate them for His glory
My God. He took every burden, broke every chain, freed me of yokes, and removed the mind monsters from my brain
Glory to the King, through His transformative power I will never be the same
Restored to my place of dominion and authority over creation I’ll reign
All because of Jesus, my Savior, who laid down His life
so that I would have it more abundantly
The one who performed miracles as our blueprint and said we do greater works than He
The Lord of Lords when we were blind made us see, deaf let us hear, far drew us near, mute let us talk On the water showed us to walk and said to use our faith to move mountains
The one who called us to repent and spoke to our unseen
Released the Holy Spirit and called us redeemed
Made us joint-heirs to the kingdom. Our Father is the king; the ruler of the new heaven and the new earth
Washed away my transgressions and gave me a new birth
That is why I am no longer abandoned, rejected, broken, scarred or doomed
I am adopted, accepted, restored, and made new and redeemed.
— Written by Breonna Rostic and excerpted from Blessed Is She. Used by permission of Our Daily Bread Publishing®, Grand Rapids MI. All rights reserved. Further distribution is prohibited without written permission from Our Daily Bread Publishing® at permissionsdept@odb.org. Click here to connect with Bree.
57 Responses
We serve an awesome God! I love the Word! Thank you for trusting & touching us with your beautiful testimony. God truly hears us.
Justine, we do!! So grateful for your words.
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Thank you for sharing your testimony with us. I thank God for keeping you through it all. God is an awesome God. This story just reminded me of how God kept me through a lot of pain and barriers in my childhood. I know I am child of the most high God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Thank you Jesus.
Andrea, thank you for these words. Yes you absolutely are! Amen. We are so grateful you are part of the GHH community!
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Thank GOD, this is a great story, people even me, need to understand how good GOD really has always been. I would not have gotten through my childhood without GOD, and times I thought he forgot me. GOD GETS me through ever day. PRAISE and THANK GOD everday.
Lillie,
Yes!! He does understand and loves so much doesn’t He!!
Amen!!
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Lillie,
I am so grateful that you enjoyed this story and that God is glorified in all our faults. Thankful for a God that we can depend on, sister.
Thank you for sharing your life. I am experiencing brokenness like today and this has made be realize that I just need to cry out FATHER and lay my burdens on Him who has been always faithful! Jesus name be praised! Amen
Mirabelle, Thank you for these words. We are joining you in prayer of your heart. You are so loved. With the surrender of our burdens comes blessings!
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You’re so welcome, Mirabelle. It’s my hearts desire that through my brokenness others with see the goodness of God. He’s waiting to hear from you and I believe He will carry you through this season. Praying for your peace.
Bree
Everyone has a story and once that story is shared the enemy no longer has a hold on us. We are free hallelujah! As I was reading your story tears ran down my face because
It brought back memories of my life growing up, yes your story resonated with me. Thank God for Jesus who truly causes all things to work together for our good and for his glory. Your story will bless others to know that God can do all things but fail and he does his best work in our brokenness. For he is indeed our loving father that truly takes good care of his bad children. Im glad he found you and you found him. He is indeed an awesome wonder. B blessed my sista.
Kathy, these words are so beautiful. "once that story is shared the enemy no longer has a hold on us" – amen amen.
Grateful for your beautiful words and reminder!
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Hi Kathy! I am so glad to read your comment and to know that this story resonates with you. What an amazing God we get to serve together. Through His love we receive everything we need.
I will carry this declaration with me: Your story will bless others to know that God can do all things but fail. Thank you. I will cherish those words.
Thank you for this beautiful blessing. May God continue to use you to touch the hearts of others for Him!
Lolita, grateful for your words and involvement in the GHH Community!
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Lovely! God will make you brand new!
Yes Yes, Donna!!
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To God be the glory. Blessings & thank you for sharing.
Temeka, grateful for you and your involvement in GHH Community!
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This story really touched my soul. I sent it to my youngest daughter, who is struggling. Such a awesome story, and the ending prayer. Which was true poetry. Thank you for posting. Patricia
Hi Patricia, we are so grateful for you! We are praying with you over your daughter.
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Powerful words may God. Continue bless and. Covered you as u tell other about ur journey
Hortense, Thank you for these words! We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH Community.
Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Very Very Real. Loved it. Astonishing Truthful🙏🙏🙏✝️🛐!!
Ronnie, we are so grateful for you!!
Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
A truly amazing story about the transformation power of God.
Otis, we are so grateful for you!!
Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Love everything about this! Thank you for sharing and most of all thank you for rejoicing the resounding sound of God’s love!!
Hi Carena, we are rejoicing with you. We are so grateful for you!!
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Such a powerful testimony – thank you for sharing. Thoroughly enjoyed your poem – spoken words. Blessed 🙂
Poe, we are so grateful for you!!
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Dear Breonna,
Thank you for sharing your story, may God continue to Bless and Keep you as you pray for me and others who have been abused and battered that are seeking to embrace and hold onto the unconditional and forgiving Love of Our Father. Sometimes when life disappoints and pain and hurt return may we know the healing Power of Life, death and Resurrection of Our Savior that bought us the privilege to he be a child of The Mosy High God. Amen!!
Sonja, We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
"Sometimes when life disappoints and pain and hurt return may we know the healing Power of Life" – so beautiful!!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Thank you. I needed this at this moment.
God bless!
Sandra, We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Praise and Glory to God. My heart felt this poem as I am trying not to cry in front of patients and nurses that I co work with. Please keep my husband Jason in pray for his betrayal was hurtful but with My Father I stand by my husband and say Please turn away from your transgression for you are Redeemed. I Love My God and My Savior. Amen and Hallelujah!
Irma, We are joining you in prayer over the heartbreak you are currently feeling. Praying that the Lord will hold your heart and provide healing to Jason. Praying that Jason will seek counsel and experience radical change in his heart because of the Fathers love for him.
You are so loved by the Lord Irma! We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community.
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
May the Lord continue to bless you and keep you in his care.
Yvonne, We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Very beautiful words ❤. May God continually bless you in all your endeavors…
Sherry, we are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Awesome testimony!Thank you
We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community, Eva!!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Simply beautiful!!! Amazing testimony
Christine, thank you!! We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Powerful is the work of our Lord!!
Yes yes Bess!! We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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I have been in constant torment. Questioning my purpose and praying hourly for answers and feeling unheard. Thank you for reminding me God is listening.
Michelle, we pray Jeremiah 29:11 over you, that the Lord will reveal the plans and purpose over your life. The good news for your tired heart is that our purpose is not in our doing but being in the presence of the Lord and learning more about doing life with Him. You are so loved by our Heavenly Father!
We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Amèn! God is faithful always to his children, he will never forsake us or abandon us! Lord you are our king, our abba our savior! I’ll will praise you forever!
Lenny, Thank you for these words. "Lord you are our king" yes yes! Amen!
We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
What a riveting testimony to the love and mercy of our Lord Jesus. There is no heart so hard, or mind so depraved that He cannot reach and touch with His spirit. He is so good to bring us into a relationship that continues to grow until we blossom into the image of His Son. I’m inspired and encouraged to read of this marvelous transformation of a rebellious and rejected child of God. Thank you for sharing and for the wonderful poem that proclaims God’s overwhelming love and redemption.
Kathy, "He is so good to bring us into a relationship that continues to grow until we blossom into the image of His Son." – That is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these words.
We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Thank you for sharing this .out real and beautiful testimony, Our God, our Farher is so good!!
Leah, We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast
Thank you so much for sharing this and reminding me of the breadth and width of God’s grace and love. May God continue to strengthen and guide you. There is no better relationship for us than the relationship we build with God.
Thank you Kim for sharing these words! We are so grateful for your involvement in the GHH community!
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Eryn Co-Host to God Hears Her Podcast