I stared at my husband in disbelief. “But they reached out to you,” I said. “What do you mean you didn’t get the job?” Before he could respond, I grabbed my service dog’s vest and leash. “Callie, come,” I said. I didn’t want my husband to see me cry, but by the time we were halfway down our driveway my sobs caused severe muscle spasms in my back. Despite the increasing pain, I reached our neighborhood park. I knew my husband wanted to go home just as much as I did. But at that moment, I couldn’t fight the urge to blame him for dragging me hundreds of miles away from our family, our friends, and the warmer weather of the West Coast.
We had followed God from California to Wisconsin. We served Him faithfully for two years in Fond du Lac. Even on the days I wanted to run back home, I knew we were supposed to be in the Midwest. God had proven He was with us and working miracles, even there.
I looked down at my service dog. If we hadn’t moved, I wouldn’t have her, the furry rescue from a kill-shelter we adopted on the day we arrived. I wouldn’t have met her trainers, who’d quickly become good friends. I wouldn’t have met the doctor who found the only medication that helped manage the sharp pain in my upper thoracic back, which increased my mobility. I wouldn’t be walking one to three miles each day without a cane. I began feeling guilty for my lack of gratitude.
Still, I cried and complained as I walked down the quiet street. I didn’t care who saw me. I’d always been honest with God. I missed my boys. I wanted . . . needed to go home! Why would God give my husband an unsolicited opportunity to interview for a job in the West Coast if He was just going to slam the door shut? Why did He raise my hopes?
When I reached the edge of the park, I stared at the Willow trees I had grown to love. The branches swayed in the slight breeze. I breathed deeply. Sitting on a nearby wooden bench, I commanded Callie to lay down. She stretched out on the lush grass and closed her eyes. I watched her resting at my feet. She wasn’t concerned about her surroundings. She trusted me to care for her. I swallowed the lump of grief in my throat. “Fine, Lord. May Your will be done, not mine,” I said. “Please help me to stop fighting my husband . . . and You. Help us make a difference while You have us here.” I thanked God for caring for us wherever He led us.
When I returned home, I apologized to my husband as I cried into his chest. Neither of us wanted to be anywhere that God didn’t want us to be. So we asked God to help us trust Him even when He did not answer our prayers in the ways we desired.
I didn’t wake up singing with infectious joy or loving the midwestern weather the next day. I did, however, submit to God one day at a time. I asked Him to help me live for Him. I also kept praying that He would take us back to California when He was ready.
A week later, on my birthday, my husband met me at the door after my afternoon walk with Callie. A school that he had applied to before we left California had reached out to him. The college was less than twenty minutes from our youngest son’s home. We had twenty-eight days to pack up and follow God from Wisconsin back to California.
God had said “yes” to my prayers!
However, leaving the friends I’d grown to love and transitioning back home was harder than I expected. We experienced great joy and pain. Two years after our return, I was stuck in a hospital bed wondering if I was permanently losing my ability to walk. I acknowledged all the good things God had done since we’d returned home. But I couldn’t ignore all the things that had gone wrong since He said “yes” to my requests for relocation. As I gave in to my tears in that dark room, God wrapped me in the promise of His constant presence. I reflected on how He had remained faithful and good when we experienced hard days in Wisconsin and in California.
I grieved when our oldest son, my stepson, decided to cut us out of his life . . . again. However, I rejoiced when we officially welcomed our youngest son’s girlfriend into our family, then celebrated the birth of their first child. Though my health declined, God empowered me to care for my husband as he recovered from multiple surgeries while still serving as my caregiver. Through the good days and the hard days, God remained good and in control. As I rested in His presence while in that hospital room, I wrote the first chapter of the devotional I’d started while in the Midwest. I hadn’t been able to write one word before that day.
When my husband came to see me the next morning, I told him what God was doing.
“I told you everything would work out,” he said, before quoting Proverbs 19:21. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
After he left for work, I considered the truth of his words. But if I was going to keep trusting God when His way led down rocky paths and into dark seasons, I needed more than one Bible verse slapped at the end of a conversation. With my Bible on my lap, I begged God to be my strength, my peace, and my enduring hope. “Please, Lord,” I said, “give me something I can cling to when Your way doesn’t feel like the best way.”
The Holy Spirit reminded me of a Bible verse similar to the one my husband had quoted. As I lay in my bed, unable to sit, stand, or walk without pain, I read out loud. “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. The Lord works out everything to its proper end—even the wicked for a day of disaster” (Proverbs 16:1-4).
Yes! God gave me the ability and free will to make plans, but His Word would always be right (Proverbs 16:1). He’d have the final say. Though I might consider my way the best way, God knew my heart’s true intentions were often self-centered (v. 2). By affirming God as my Lord, I could accept that He alone had the eternal wisdom to determine the best plans for me and everyone else (v. 3). As I surrendered to Him, I would learn to recognize how He had always worked everything out according to His good and perfect plan (v. 4).
Gratitude replaced my grief as the Holy Spirit affirmed that things were exactly as they should be whenever I walked with Him instead of pushing away from Him. If God was my all-knowing and sovereign Creator and Sustainer, why wouldn’t I want His judgment to prevail?
Scripture says: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9). When God gives us the ability to choose, He already knows what our choices will be. He determines our steps before we take each one. We can fight Him. However, He will always fight for us to follow Him, because He knows what is best for those He created and loves.
Our sinful nature and our residence in this fallen world make us susceptible to the temptation of going our own way or blocking God out of our planning stages. However, when we’re facing that self-centered tug-of-war, I pray we’ll remember that Scripture says: “Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord” (Proverbs 16:20).
As long as our zip code is on this side of heaven, we can’t avoid experiencing the consequences for our actions. We can’t control the ways we’re impacted by the sins of others either. “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord” (Proverbs 16:33). This means that God decides every outcome. This is good news because we can depend on God to stick to His Word, stay true to His character, and always remain with us. And as we rely on His power and rest securely in His presence, we can rejoice over God’s right to reign. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails” (Proverbs 19:21). Hallelujah!
—Written by Xochitl Dixon. Used by permission from the author.
27 Responses
Dear sister,
Your encouraging words are a balm to me. I struggle with letting go and ‘changing the norm”. God is growing me. It is painful at times but amazingly peaceful. Jesus is in the whisper of peace deep inside me now. Come what may my anchor holds in Him. Thank you again for your encouragement dear sister. May you be enriched and physically touched by our Master’s Hand.
Xochiti,
Your stories always inspire me. Whenever I listen to ODB I just know you are the author without hearing your name. Sister you have a gift, thank you for sharing. Praying that your physical pain is eased and also your heart. Blessings…🙏
What you do for God will always last!
You know I pray for you every day and won’t stop.
I just read this as tears are in my eyes. Your article made me think on things I never dwelled on before. I have always been a Christian, that is to say believer. unfortunately, God wasn’t involved in my planning, I didn’t think to involve Him.
Thank you for your timely article. I will strive to involve my Heavenly Father more.
May God continue to bless you.
The greatest gift of all is the protection that he affords us from our own self. We are of the world and we are flesh and always tempted to fulfill our carnal desires.
Thank you for your inspiring words. I needed to read this so I could respond through God’s words and his eyes in a challenging situation my son is going through.
I was very blessed by your honesty in crying out to God. He really and truly loves us and is concerned about all of our emotions whether good or bad. You are such a good writer and I really felt the emotional rant. I have been there myself. I had to humble myself and move in with my daughters. It has indeed been a challenge for me but I see the hand of God in my life every day and I am truly grateful. May God continue to bless you and your husband in all your future endeavors.
For I know the plans I have for you has been my “life” Scripture for a while. I’m learning daily -His Plan is the ultimate plan. His Plan might sting or not be what we wanted but ultimately bc He is who He is – we can all rest in knowing it’s what’s best and pray that we open our hearts and minds and yield to His Will. Thank you for this!
I am inspired and encouraged by all these faithfilled testimonies. My faith is deepened that no matter what, God is in control and He knows what`s best for us.
Your writings about God working in your life are always a blessing to me. I also suffer from pain daily, but am so thankful that God always gives me what I need to be used of Him in the lives of those He has placed in my life and in my heart. Never stop allowing God to use you. I am 74 yrs. old and still growing.
I love all your writings Mrs. Dixon. You encourage and inspire me sooo much
Thank you for sharing, I worry about many things, but the heaviest is my son and his future. Reading this devotion reminds me to continue in prayer and that God is in control of all and will take care of his children.
Great lessons shared. Lord always allow me to hear you in all my ways.
thanks
We moved to Colorado from NC many years ago for my husband’s new job. After 5 years he was told the job would end. I had a good job at a Christian organization. We sold our house and moved to Ohio near his mom. A big lay off happened where I had worked and many lost their jobs. My mother-in-law died and gave us her house! God knows best! We love it here!
So glad to have read this today. Thank you for this reminder.
Thank you so much for sending me these God Hears Her passages. They are a reassurance during those times when I am seeking God throughout my situations. These passages have been very enriching and there are those which comes to me right on time. Thank you again.
God is always right on time to meet all our needs, Sister. Hallelujah! I’m glad you are a member of the God Hears Her family.
gosh this is just right for me…left my new england home to be closer to my maryland daughter and it’s been one medical and financial disaster after another…capped by loss of my mom far away. now without transportation, i am truly stranded and fighting unrelenting melancholy…i want to go home but know i would miss my daughter and her husband…they work and cannot always help me, making it doubly discouraging. the things i enjoyed here are no longer possible without transportation. the library, the gym, church, social events, civic functions, food pantries…it isn’t that God hasn’t met my basic needs but i feel as if i have no life, no enjoyment whatsoever. hanging on to my faith but it is a daily challenge…
I’m so sorry that parts of your transition has been so rough, Sister. You are not alone. God sees you, hears you, and loves you. In my Our Daily Bread devotional, Waiting for God: Trusting Daily in God’s Plan and Pace, I share more Bible verses and testimonies, along with Scripture-based prayers, that God still uses to carry me through the hardest days in the wait. I’m praying He will be your enduring peace and hope as you rest in His constant presence one breath at a time.
I have read many of your stories. They are all so faith filled even though one can feel the pain you are going through. you are an inspiration to me. Thank you.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, Sister. To God be the glory, the honor, and the praise! I am grateful we’re on this journey together. I love sharing how God is working in and through my life and the lives of others in my devotions here at God Hears Her, in the Our Daily Bread daily devotions, on my blog and in my books, because it helps me to remember that we’re in this together. Your life, just because you exist, inspires! I’m praying for you, Sister!
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings and your testimony, and those Proverbs. I too, am a mom of adult children with my husband of 33 years, trying to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding. Walk by faith, not by sight . Keeping you and yours in prayer . Love in Christ – Patti
Needed to be reminded I have a hard time with wanting to control everything but I will lay it on God’s plate to take care of easyer said than done. Forgive me LORD.
You’re not the only one who wants to control things, Sister! I am in a situation right now that I wish I could control, that I wish I could change. It’s not working out the way I had hoped. So, I’m asking God to help me release everything into His hands.
In my second Our Daily Bread devotional, which releases next year, I am exploring surrender as an act of worship. I am praying the Holy Spirit will help us to be still as we rely on His presence and power.
God is always knowing, always good, and always in control…even when our circumstances are totally out of our control. Hallelujah!
Lord, please forgive us for struggling to surrender everything into Your trustworthy hands. Please empower us to trust Your perfect plan and pace, no matter what we’re facing today. In Jesus’s name, amen.
Thank you for writing such an inspiring devotion.
Thanks for your encouraging words, Sister. To God be the glory, the honor, and the praise! He is so good!