Round and around in my mind turns John 19:25–27. Jesus hangs dying on the cross; He’s in excruciating pain. While nailed to a tree, Jesus notices His mother standing near other faithful women, friends of His: Mary, Clopas’s wife, and Mary Magdalene. The apostle John is right in the midst of them too.
In that moment, Jesus has unfinished business. He refuses to give up the ghost until He materially and relationally provides for His beloved mother. Barely able to push Himself up just enough for His lungs to expand and catch a fleeting breath, He exerts Himself once more. He manages to gasp out, “Woman, here is your son,” and to John, “Here is your mother” (John 19:26–27). John, speaking of himself in the third person, lets us in on what happens. He tells us, “From that time on, this disciple took her into his home” (v. 27).
This snapshot of Jesus’ character, of God in the flesh, incites deep wonder in me. Even in the moment of death, Jesus is selfless, others-centered, always and ever thinking of and doing good to others. It is profound. It is love. Clearly, upon His death, Jesus did not want to leave His mother alone and destitute. She was a widow, about to be bereft of her son and provider. So, before He takes His last breath, Jesus places her in John’s care and asks John to take her into his family, into his household, under his roof. John is to treat her as if she were his mother.
As I sit penning these words, they gain further meaning. I am with my own mother. She is in her last days. Whether it is literally a few days, or a few months, her time here is quickly coming to an end. She has late-stage, aggressive, breast cancer. It is invading every part of her. Here in the sterile hospital environment, my presence at the foot of her bed proves to be a comfort—the only way I can provide for her. And her presence, though she is ill, comforts me.
A little while ago, before she dozed off, she wondered aloud, “What did I do wrong to get into this mess?” Her question pricked me like a thorn because it suggested she was beating herself up for something she could not control. I assured her she had done nothing wrong. Would my response assuage her anguish? “Many good people, believers like you, suffer the debilitating effects of cancer and die as a result,” I told her. She told me that my sister said something similar. She soon dozed off. While my answer is true, I imagine that physical healing would prove to be the only comfort for her while she remains here on earth. She wants to see her grandchildren grow up.
Even if my words did not prove reassuring in that moment, I believe God is present to my mom in and through me, and through the kindness of the hospital staff, as we comfort and care for her. I imagine Mary’s presence at the foot of the cross deeply comforted Jesus. His mother was close at hand. And I imagine that Jesus’ provision for her in His dying breaths alleviated a bit of anxiety in an unimaginably brutal situation. In mom’s room where words are few and the prognosis is not good, I pray she has a deep sense of the profound love and delight God has in her because I am close by.
Some have the idea that God is always angry at them, that they must be on their guard, must tiptoe on eggshells to avoid provoking God’s displeasure. I don’t think that’s right. God is tender and loving toward us. Even in our sin, He is kind that we might come to repentance (see Romans 2:4). A false belief about God will shatter as people experience the love and goodness of God through us. If we could each but realize that God goes to great measures to communicate His love and care for us and that our own God-bathed presence matters more than we know.
Whether in laughter or sorrow, in sickness or in health, in death, or in the mundane, we can give people the gift of our simple presence, be Christ to them. In doing so, we proclaim the love and delight God has for them. We don’t have to buy people presents, nor do a song-and-dance routine. We don’t have to earn their favor. Offering our Christ-filled presence will powerfully and effectively communicate God’s character—His love, care, and delight. The presence of God’s holy ones is powerful.
—Written by Marlena Graves. Used by permission from the author.
22 Responses
My mama passed 10 years ago. My siblings and I were with her during her last 6 weeks of life. What a privilege!! We were her everything during that time and my sister and I prayed with her every night and she prayed with us! The night before she passed, she didn’t pray. We knew the end was near! Being the hands and feet of Jesus is the most important action we can take in our lives. Thank you for sharing and jogging my memory. It was a sad time but glorious because we knew our mama was in God’s sweet hands when our job was done. Blessings, Michelle
Thank you.
Just being there. So simple, yet so powerful.
I’m so sorry for what your Mom, you, and your family are going through. But I rejoice that you’re there with her, loving her with the Love of Jesus I lost my Mom at 17 and I still miss her, but I am forever grateful to God that I was with her through her illness and when she went to be with Him. Thank you for your inspired words. I never underestimate my part in bringing Jesus’s presence and love to others, but thank you for this beautiful reminder.
I needed to read this. I am sitting with my brother in law after a stroke. Sometimes we say nothing. I don’t know what to say sometimes. But if God is with me, I hope he will feel God’s presence too.
I too recently loss my Dear Mother. I was with her on a journey to the end of life. Two years ago caring for my father as well. Our family was there doing our part as we were taught as Christians to do. What a Blessing God allow me to travel with them in Peace. Certainly ups and downs of living but with God’s Grace and Mercy. My brother said my Mother whispered "take care of your sisters". He lovingly has, as he always did. What a mighty God we serve. He knows our every need and desires of the heart. I will treasure these memories. I will continue to be help my fellow man and share the Gospel. I have drawn closer to the Lord through these experiences. I am also learning to let go of people and things in this world. I know there is a better place for me. I love God with all my heart. Thank for sharing such intimate feelings. God Bless you.
Prayers of peace and comfort to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. My mother also died of terminal breast cancer. She was a wonderful example of God’s unfailing love throughout her life to the every end. I rejoice for her everlasting life and knowing I will see her agian one day. We are now going through this yet agian with my father. These last few days have been weary on my brother and my soul. I thank you for the reminder that we can be Jesus’s heavenly light for him and bring God’s glory and peace in these last moments.
I lost my mom which was very difficult. The worst part was I wasn’t able to be with her and it almost killed me.
I’m happy for all who can be with their loved ones up to the end. May God bless everyone.
Thank you.
Thanks for sharing. Your message has blessed me.
This was inspiring. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this.
This was an on-time message for me thrift you for my Heavenly Father. Thank you!
My parents had the care of my Mother’s Mom until she passed. I was only 13yrs old, but now at 92, I know what a blessing she was to me. Resentment at 13 can change to a thanks to God now. She saw that I found the Lord and I will forever thank the Lord that she was with us for many years.
Amen! Glory to God.
Gm, and thanks for your encouraging words, I’m called to take care of people, I’m retired but often called on to care for my older, so I say to myself this is what God wants me to do and I pray daily for strength that they might see God in me. Have a blessed day.
Thank you!!! 💜
I had the care of my Mother until she died. God gave me the strength I needed to get through this! I am also grateful that He enabled me to lead my Mother to a saving knowledge of Christ, and I know that one day we will be reunited in heaven!
Day after tomorrow my husband and his siblings must make a decision to allow their mother to be removed from the ventilator that keeps her lungs filled with oxygen and let her go home. The burden is heavy and yet it is God’s love that sustains us. My mother-in-laws nurse said, “I have never before seen grandkids visit their grandmother and sing her hymns.” It’s a tribute to the beautiful woman of God she has always been.😢
I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Mine died young from cancer as well. I watched her die slowly at home while taking care of her. Thank you for your article, Marlena. I was blessed by it.
God’s tender mercies is Love, most definitely. Thanks for sharing. Look how God works…I arose from bed thinking of my father who passed one year ago today. Your message was front and center on my phone. I often wonder what more I could have done to comfort my father..I was there everyday while he was in hospice and honored him everyday before. I anointed him, prayed with him, sung to him, and cared for his body while in that sleep like state, all the while my never willing to let go. I was working to care for him, pleading to God, while God was carrying me. He took my father home the day after I said my goodbye, just realizing I wasn’t taking him home with me. I was hurt and angry for some time. He didn’t deserve the way he was taken from this life. We may not understand God’s work as it’s happening, but when we believe who He is, it gives us comfort in knowing His way is best for us. Looking back, my father continued to care for me on his sickbed, never complaining, being the father I always knew and loved. He tried until he couldn’t anymore. And so did I. His time here was not in vain. Just like Jesus, he shone his love on me that gave me strength and comfort to do the same with others. I pray this time is wrapped in God’s glory for you all. At the feet of the Lord is where we belong. Peace be with you all.
Good morning. And, thank you so much for this amazing story of love,courage, selflessness and faithfulness .
As my stepmother and years later my father lay dying of cancer I could tell they had comfort from my presence. I whispered my permission for them to go that I was safe and cared for as they entered the last stages. They soon left this earthly realm with a smile.
My husband had kidney failure and strokes which led him to his end. He had been slowly declining until that last Sunday. I had been sleeping in his hospital room for over a week on a cot they brought in, my pastors had been in to pray several times. Family was gathered and warned of the pending results. I got up ,showered, dressed, then took my Bible and stood by his bed. I held his hand and read the Lord’s prayer, then I gave him permission to leave, that I was ok. He layed there a few more minutes reached out his hand that had not been able to move for days, smiled and passed. They know we are there and that brings comfort to their final minutes. I firmly believe my husband had an angel guide, and knew my presence.