The Weight of Grief

One of my earliest childhood memories was of my parents wrestling with grief. My uncle had been killed in a car crash just weeks before Christmas, leaving behind my aunt (my Dad’s sister) and three small children.  

The layers of grief that my parents were experiencing was beyond me. Clearly, there were tears; there was loss; there was struggle. There was confusion, but my young mind could not process the depth of any of those emotions or their expressions. It was my first exposure to the weighty power of grief.

Of course, death is part of life. It is life’s great inevitability. Still, though we accept that reality, the grief that descends upon us in times of loss is often much, much more than we expected. Author and philosopher C. S. Lewis, in A Grief Observed, wrote:

We were promised sufferings; they are part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination. 

 It is suddenly different when grief visits us. When death takes what’s ours. And death comes for many different things: death of a marriage, death of a dream, or of a career. All death generates grief, but the deepest kind of grief comes from the death of a person who is deeply entrenched in our hearts.

When a loved one is taken by death and the weight of grief threatens to crush our hearts, where is God? Does he see; does he care? In fact, in our darkest moments he is much closer than we may imagine. Fyodor Dostoyevsky, in Crime and Punishment, wrote:

The darker the night, the brighter the stars, the deeper the grief, the closer is God!

That is certainly a bright promise, but is there evidence in the Bible to support the claim that God cares about our grief? Is God really closer to us when we grieve? What does the Bible say about grief?

The Depths of Grief

The first thing that can encourage us in our seasons of grief is that the Bible does not view them as unimportant. On the contrary, the Bible is very honest about the reality of grief and our struggle with it. One of the most detailed grief stories ever told is the story of Job, who lost his children and virtually all of his property in a single, sweeping, devastating day. His response? 

Oh that my grief were actually weighed and laid in the balances together with my calamity! (Job 6:2)

Israel’s great King David was no stranger to grief either. Described as a “man after God’s heart” (1 Samuel 13:14), David’s life was filled with tragedy, loss, and heartache, causing him to lament:

My eye has wasted away with grief; It has become old because of all my adversaries. (Psalm 6:7)

And:

Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also. (Psalm 31:9)

In many ways, while telling the big story of God’s rescuing love for people, the Bible tells the stories of loss and grief that have characterized our world ever since death entered it in Genesis 3. Grief that has been recorded and remembered. Grief that has not gone unnoticed, or uncared for.

The Care of the Lord

One of the characteristics (attributes) of the God of the Bible is that he is omniscient, “all-knowing”—and it means just what it says. God knows everything, which means that he also knows how and what we feel when we are stricken with loss and the grief it generates. In fact, he joins us in placing great value on those we have lost:

Precious in the sight of the Lord Is the death of His godly ones. (Psalm 116:15)

One of grief’s painful byproducts is that it can create within us a deep sense of isolation. That we are facing this struggle alone, but that is not so. Not only does he share in our loss, our Lord also shares the burden of that loss with us. In seasons of grief, we do not have to carry that burden alone.

Although they do not specifically address grief, two particular biblical texts can certainly include grief among the things for which our God is concerned:

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

… casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7; NKJV)

As our Comforter and “the strength of (our) life” (Psalm 27:1), we can rest in his help, knowing that we don’t carry the burden of grief alone. Our Lord’s “yoke” lightens our burden because he shares it with us (Matthew 11:30). God is with us in our grief.

The Ultimate Response

In the end, the cross is God’s ultimate response to grief and death. Grief is caused by death, and the only remedy for death is life. In the Bible’s most familiar verse, we read:

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

“Shall not perish.” Through relationship with Christ, death no longer has the last word. Faith in Christ puts us on solid ground, where death is not the end. For now, it is still a part, but it is not final.

In fact, Jesus’ mission was to provide a hope that transcends the grave—so it is fitting that it was at the grave of a friend that Christ would affirm:

“I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die.” (John 11:25)

Through Christ’s death and resurrection, the power of death was conquered. This allowed Paul to declare:

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57)

 Yes, the weight of grief will always be felt in times of loss, but the Bible is clear: Death does not win. Grief is temporary. Life is the ultimate, eternal, never-ending story for all who claim Christ as their Savior.

In the final chapters of the Bible, the book of Revelation paints a picture of hope, not loss; of comfort, not pain; of life not death:

Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. (Revelations 21:3-4)

God is with us in our grief. He has and does share in our suffering. God’s bright hope will consume all of the grief-producing factors in that perfect day. And for that day we wait… 

—Written by Bill Crowder. Used by permission from the author.