The last thing I wanted to do at twenty-three years old was start over.
My life had been all planned out—I met the boy I wanted to marry when I was sixteen, we got married in college while I was finishing my degree in education, and then I got the teaching position I wanted. We bought a house, we were involved in a small group at church, and I could picture what our future kids would look like when they came into our lives in the scheduled three to five years from then.
You know what didn’t fit into my structured plan, though? My husband leaving the church and our marriage.
The grief that I had to work through wasn’t just over the loss of my best friend. It was the loss of the future I had worked so hard to achieve. I loved the life we had been building, and I really loved the security I had in knowing what to expect and where I would be at any given point of my life. What I really didn’t love was change, and somehow I found myself being forced into a season of change that would alter the course of my entire life.
Change for the Israelites
I’ve been studying the book of Exodus recently, and I can’t help but try to put myself into the mindset of the Israelites—a group of people who were thrust into the upheaval of change as soon as Moses entered their lives. Just a few short chapters after they had witnessed God’s miraculous provision of escape from the Egyptians through the parting of the Red Sea, we find them wishing they had died in Egypt instead of facing the hardships of their journey (Exodus 16:3).
It’s easy for me to be quick to judge their hearts, but my latest read through of these chapters slowly revealed my own heart’s bent in times of upheaval. The Israelites had their entire lives uprooted. Even though their oppression in Egypt had been severe, the stress of the unknown caused them to misremember what they had left behind, recalling the food they had enjoyed and not the chains they had worn. It wasn’t that they truly wanted to return to slavery; it’s that, like many of us, they struggled to trust freedom when it came wrapped in uncertainty. In fact, it’s safe to say that most of them did not even know the God Moses spoke of who was offering this freedom!
When I was forced into a season of unwanted change, how many times did my prayers sound something like this: “God, I don’t want this! I` miss my old life–it’s not supposed to be like this! Please let it all go back to the way it was.” I wonder if some of the Israelite’s prayers sounded like that, too. Maybe you’ve been there, too.
Losing Sight of the Promise
Even when leaving a hard situation, change can be difficult. The Israelites may not have been doing manual labor for the Egyptians anymore, but the years upon years of wandering were surely taxing both physically and emotionally. In light of their momentary troubles, they would often lose sight of what that change was going to lead to: the Promised Land.
I had lost sight of the bigger picture in my own life. I was desperate for normalcy instead of simply being desperate for Him. It was like I had blinders on to the work that God was doing through the change–the refining that my own heart needed that could only be achieved at my most raw and vulnerable state. It was easier to try to maintain my imagined sense of control than surrender it all to the King of the Universe who holds it all together.
It was verses like 2 Corinthians 4:17–18, however, that helped change my self-centered perspective of what I was going through:
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
I couldn’t see it at the time, but God was using that season of unwanted change to transform both my heart and my husband’s heart through the suffering. It took being at my most desperate to truly see my own sin for what it was. It was the place where I understood my deep need for Him after years of prideful self-sufficiency instead of dependence. It was also the place that led my then ex-husband to have a radical encounter with God, the very One he tried to push away. I didn’t know there could be a greater purpose, that He would actually go on to not only restore our marriage, but also turn the most ugly and broken parts of us into a ministry of redemption where we now get to share the hope of the Gospel together, through our story, all over the country.
The Israelites couldn’t see it at the time either, but their deliverance from slavery would eventually point all of us to the ultimate deliverance from sin through Jesus. The Promised Land—a place of rest, blessing and purpose—would foreshadow the Kingdom of God Jesus would talk about during His time on earth. Like the lambs they sacrificed on Passover as a part of their deliverance, Jesus would later serve as the spotless Lamb to cover each and every one of us who chooses to follow Him.
Dive Deeper
Are you or a loved one in a season of unwanted change and need some encouragement? Here are some verses to memorize or meditate on to remind yourself of God’s promises to his people:
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you” (Isaiah 43:2).
– God doesn’t promise a life free of trouble, but He does promise His presence in the middle of it.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).
– Even the most painful, unwanted changes are not wasted in God’s hands.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
– Change is part of life’s design, but God’s faithfulness never changes.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God . . . will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6–7).
– There is peace to be found even in the face of unexpected change.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
– In a world of change, Jesus is our unchanging anchor.
Change is hard. I still struggle with it. I can still feel my pulse elevate and my body tense when faced with unwanted change. But I’m so thankful for the gift of time; I can now look back and see how God was moving in each and every season of change, no matter the ending. The hard truth is that not every challenging season we walk through in this life will turn out the way we hope, but that doesn’t diminish God’s faithfulness. Even if our circumstances don’t change, He is big enough to bring beauty from brokenness and change us in the process.
—Written by Stephanie Teague. Used by permission from the author.
One Response
Thank you for sharing from your heart.We resist change as it is painful and frightening. But, God has the bigger picture and His way and timing in the midst of the pain always shows us a better way. His way. God Bless you and the ministry that has evolved through your changes in life.