It’s Father’s Day and my Facebook feed is filled to bursting with loving photo tributes to beautiful dads. I posted a photo myself, showing my beloved late father plus a current photo of my amazing husband, Dan.
But what if that isn’t your story?
What if your memories not only of Dad but of other life highlights aren’t highlights at all?
What if your life story, compared to others, seems like a colossal failure?
I know that reality too.
Other people can sometimes seem so much more. More happy, wonderful, successful, accomplished, smart, strategic, rich, favored, and more loved.
And I hate the comparison game. . . It’s yucky, depressing, defeating.
Moreover, it’s wrong.
I know that firsthand, because at certain times I’ve allowed such feelings to creep in, camp out, and take permanent residence in my despairing head.
I try to blame my chosen profession. I’m a freelance writer and author—surely one of the craziest vocations on the planet. It’s competitive. Maybe even ruthless.
But others always will write more, write better, earn more, be better.
In everybody’s life, of course, somebody else will always be farther along. More recognized, regarded, and respected—plus have a great dad, fabulous life, and cool husband. (If you believe Facebook.)
Even so, during such moments, the thing to hold onto is this:
You are not a failure.
So stop saying it. More important, stop believing it.
Needing a reminder, I recently found this encouraging article by psychologist Deborah Schurman-Kauflin Ph.D., a columnist at psychologytoday.com. As she put it: “Next time you catch yourself having negative self-thoughts, I want you to say the word stop in your mind and remember that you are a beautiful person who deserves better than being called a failure. YOU DESERVE BETTER. Remember that.”
Having his own yucky-day moment, the psalmist David refocused his way out of such darkness by standing in the light of his worthiness in God:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. (Psalm 139:13–14)
Full well, then, we finally get it: how we see ourselves is about reflection, not looking in life’s mirror to see ourselves, but to see Him—the author and finisher of our faith, pointing us with love, acceptance, and purpose back in the race.
So here’s some good news for the road: You are not a failure. I’m not either. Together, let’s always see that.
—Written by Patricia Raybon. Used by permission from the author. Click here to connect with Patricia.
23 Responses
Thank you. I have felt so down this week but God wanted me to read this, and I am feeling His love for all of us.
Well said. I recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and the negative talk is in abundance. Soo I really needed to read this. Thank you
Thank you, I feel like this too often and talk negatively to myself. You helped me remember, not only David but Abraham and Sarah. They were not perfect and struggled as well. God bless!
Amen!
Thanks so much for sharing. It’s good to know that I am not the only one out that feels like a failure some times.
Thank you for this writing today! I will remember these wonderful words! God LOVES ME!!! I will never be a failure in Him because He is in me!!!
Failure it seems has been my default mode of late – at least in my eyes. Failed relationships, failed expectations, failed dreams… I am a work in progress in moving from this line of thinking. One thing that has helped me is to remind myself that – if I really believe I am a beloved child of God (which I do) – who was fearfully and wonderfully made by this same God – if I deem myself a failure – what am I saying about the God I love and worship? Is He too a failure? No, His works are wonderful, and thus I must also be – in His own unique, creative fashion. His standards are far different from mine and most certainly of THIS world.
It’s not easy to follow this line of thought in a culture driven by striving and comparing, but I am trying and praying on this.
Thank you for this message of hope.
Thank you for this encouragement. I was enlighten to say to myself that I am not a failure. I am a wonderful creation of pur creator. God loves us inspite of our imperfection. Amen. ❤️
Thank you.
I can’t think of anyone that doesn’t need to hear this. Thank you so much for the encouragement! Not today devil
Thank U Patricia, my growing up and beyond experience with my birth father was strained at best, but my brothers, sisters, and I were blessed with a very loving, caring, and supportive step-father who raised all five of us kids as his own. Seemed like every time I would try to establish a relationship with my birth father, something would happen to disrupt it, Thanks be to GOD a couple of years before he died, I was able to fully forgive him for the hurt and abandonment I felt from him, and form a relationship with him.
Thanks for the reminder of who I am.
Awesome! Thank you! I was feeling suicidal earlier this week because I have failed as a mother and my adult children no longer love me. Three haven’t called- my two daughters, six years, one son, a couple of months and then one son occasionally calls and tells me he loves me. My wonderful husband made Mothers day a really fun day for me but Fathers Day is another not so great day. I am going to read your blog again. Awesome! Thank you! ❤️Terri D
Hi Terri
Just wanted to say to u to be encourage and know better is coming and u wanna b alive to witness it. 🤷♀️
AMEN HALLELUJAH BEAUTIFUL JUST BEAUTIFUL
I’m 74, in lots of pain from fibromyalgia…once was a productive teacher, served our church in many capacities…now my hubby is somewhat disabled and with covid we are quite isolated on our mini farm…I keep asking God what my purpose is!?!?
I’m 70, have chronic pain from several areas of my body and also have a husband with multiple health problems that have affected our lives for decades. Many times I have questioned God as to what use it all is? This is my answer-I am an example to others of endurance, patience and faithfulness. I have not denied my God, nor divorced my husband nor become eaten up with bitterness over my lot in life (though I do confess to feeling sorry for myself now and then). We don’t see the whole picture but God does and one day it will be shown to us the "why" of it and then we will say of course. Until then, all I can say is there is a reason and encourage you to try and do whatever good you can for others even if it’s only a card to let them know they are not forgotten.
I Heather, I really like Janine’s response. Writing is what popped in my mind for you to do too. While you wait to hear from God, perhaps you can write cards to nursing home residents and staff and teachers at schools where you live, encouraging them and thanking them for what they do.
Thank you for sharing this word.. I needed hear from God this morning. If God created me I am not a failure. He never fails. I am a child of God who loves me and sacrificed on the cross that I live to serve Him all the days of my life. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He chose my recent heaven departed Mother and Father. They taught me of The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. What more can I ask Beloved Abba. I say Thank You Lord Jesus Thank You.
Amen
Thanks for sharing that with me today . I felt really down this morning and actually like a complete hopeless Failure. But l guess maybe not maybe l am just not perfect and maybe there are a lot of imperfect ppl just like me and God still loves us all the same. I pray that God will help me with my imperfect life just a little bit and others too. God bless you and thanks again for sharing.
Chalondria,
You are NOT a failure. We all have imperfect lives and God loves us anyway. Go forward today knowing that Your Heavenly Father LOVES you and is always with you. Be encouraged, sweet friend.
Thank you.