You Have to Grieve Normal

You Have to Grieve Normal

You have to grieve normal

I advised as she cried

You have to grieve normal

Or you’ll feel like you’ve died

He’s not what you wanted?

She’s broken, you say?

He’s medically fragile

She can’t learn to play?

Rage, wail, and sob

Shake your fist at the sky

Wrestle with the Almighty

And beg for a why!

Cry in the shower

Breathe through the fear

Don’t abandon yourself

And keep your loves near

Let company in

Lest misery take a toll

Eat food and sip wine

It’s good for the soul

Smile if you can

If you can’t, no big deal

There’ll be brighter days

Brighter days when you heal

These children are God’s lessons

I don’t say this in vain

These children will teach us

Through all of the pain

That life is much more

than pride, looks, or wealth

Life is joy, peace, & love

Kindness and health

So take a deep breath

You’ve got this, I swear

For the Almighty appointed you

A fierce mama bear

– Jess Ronne

When He Outgrew Cute

When he outgrew cute

The looks changed from compassion to concerned

Towards him

And towards those who supported him.

And sometimes disgust

Overshadowed concern

As he stubbornly clung to his ways.

When he outgrew cute

The calls increased

Calls desperate for help

Desperate for summer options for a fifteen year old in briefs

Desperate for respite

Desperate for adaptive equipment

Desperate for anything that would assist a non verbal child

Or anyone

And the voices were silent

Or they whispered –

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

When he outgrew cute

His movements were no longer celebrated

But instead feared

Violent head banging

Aggressive pulling

Dangerous optimism

With the strength of a man

And not that of a child.

When he outgrew cute

The damage began

Damage to walls

Damage to others

And damage to himself

And this damage

Wreaked havoc on more than just objects in his path.

It wreaked havoc on psyches as well.

When he outgrew cute

The walls caved in

And the house became a tomb

And the isolation suffocated those within

As they desperately yearned to belong

To something

Somewhere.

When he outgrew cute

Milestones were no longer encouraged

And his future grew dim

And symptoms of PTSD set in

For those who loved him and had been

Rattled by his screams for years.

When he outgrew cute

Mood-altering drugs were doled out like candy

One option after another

For him

And also –

Suggested for his caregivers.

Drugs to dull the pain

Drugs to pacify

Drugs to silence the demons

When he outgrew cute

She outgrew herself

As every ounce of strength was poured into him

And she got lost in the daily grind

Lost in the sleepless nights

And invisible behind the never-ending tasks

When he outgrew cute

She outgrew silence

And she raised her voice

To join the cacophony for change

And her battle cry rose –

A better tomorrow!

For him

And for those who loved him.

Because when he outgrew cute

He outgrew society

And that’s simply not an option.

For anyone.

Anymore.

When he outgrew cute

She found the strength to move forward

To move toward advocacy

And move towards hope.

She found the strength

To keep going

And keep growing

And she found the strength

To just keep living

–Written by Jess Ronne. Used by permission from the author.