An Unexpected Magnifying Glass

“I don’t wanna go to bed! I’m not TIRED!” my seven-year-old daughter cries, as if I’ve said something terribly offensive.

“Well, then go brush your teeth and read in your bed for a bit,” trying my hardest not to let my frustration dictate my tone.

“Ugh, I’m too TIRED to brush my teeth!” dramatically falling onto the living room floor. Her logic gives us a smile; hopefully it’s still developing.

I’m always amazed at how I can love another person with every ounce of my being and yet need to restrain myself from buying a ticket to Aruba to escape some days’ insanity. Don’t get me wrong—I adore being a mom. I dreamed of my own babies ever since I was old enough to pretend to feed one of my baby dolls a bottle. Almost every job I had growing up had to do with children: gymnastics coach, childcare worker at church, preschool teacher, camp counselor. I even got a degree in early childhood education and taught first grade until I had my own children.

I read all the books and learned everything I could about pregnancy and that first year. Now, we all know how little those books can truly prepare you for the moment you are somehow allowed to bring a tiny human home from the hospital. But, thanks to the community around us, I felt like I had pretty realistic expectations about the journey my husband and I were about to embark on.

Yet, as the years began to fly by and we welcomed a second baby into our family, there was one thing I did not anticipate: these mini versions of me would go on to teach me more about my sin and my need for a Savior than anyone else ever had in my life.

A friend once told me that marriage serves as a mirror that shows you your sin in ways you may have been blind to. That may be true. Parenting, however, parenting takes it up a notch and acts like a magnifying glass.

In my (almost nightly) conversation with my daughter who claimed not to be tired enough to go to bed yet too tired to (fill in the blank with a chore she dislikes), my logical brain felt a pang of conviction. I quickly pushed it away because, come on, I would never say something as ridiculous as that. Yet, later that night, I thought about something I had journaled about earlier that week.

I was lamenting about how busy our schedule was and how I wanted God to be my first priority but also how I was really struggling with finding the time to spend with Him. Then I thought about what I did with my time the day before when my mom so graciously offered to take our kids for the day. Did I jump at the chance to embrace some quiet solitude in His presence or meditate on His goodness through scripture? No…I filled it with Netflix. Social media. Even some healthy things like taking a nap and reading a book.

I instantly put myself in my daughter’s place in our ridiculously illogical conversations.

“I’m desperate to spend time with You, God! I just can’t find the time in my schedule!” Then when God blesses me with time through the generosity of others or through those glorious times when my kids play together wonderfully without needing my constant intervention, it’s like I’m saying, “That’s not good enough—there’s so much else I need to do with that extra time!”

My kids have shown me many other things, my selfishness, my inability to admit when I’m wrong. The stories of how God has used them to help me see myself clearly are numerous and don’t seem to have an end coming anytime soon.

I think we all need a magnifying glass in our lives. Whether that’s a child, a spouse, a best friend, or a mentor, we need others to help us be more like Christ in this broken world. God is a God of relationship (just read Genesis 2:18

If it’s been a while since you’ve taken the time to examine and reflect on your own blind spots and sin, why not take some time this week to ask God to reveal those to you? Then, if you are blessed to have some trusted relationships in your life with whom you are able to share vulnerably, maybe try asking one of them out for coffee and talk about what God may have revealed to you. Lastly, if you’re feeling really brave, ask them to speak into those places and see if they’ve noticed any other areas where you’re not exemplifying the love of Jesus in the way you’re living or interacting with others. If you’re someone who doesn’t feel like you have that type of relationship to turn to, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. You are deeply loved by the Father who created you, so ask Him to bring those people into your life and lean into Him in your current season.