Another Type of Grief

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. —Matthew 6:15

As I’ve looked back over my life and my bouts of depression, I’ve realized there’s something else that contributed to my blues. And when left unaddressed—or dare I say untreated—that feeling can grow and produce more harm than I ever imagined. Now I’m not saying every episode of depression has a direct correlation to an emotion or incident. Sometimes it is genetic or based on hormones or something we cannot explain. But sometimes, if we’re honest, loss can cause our depression. I talked about the grief of losing my mother earlier, but in the midst of that mourning period, I realized I had also lost a dream. I was grieving an opportunity I thought would flourish into one of my life’s dreams, but instead, it had not and had left me feeling lost and with little hope. My next move was unknown and this was tough to handle.

What does Langston Hughes write about in “Harlem,” sometimes also referred to as “A Dream Deferred”? He asks what happens to a dream that isn’t fulfilled. He lists several questions about the possibilities of having a dream that doesn’t come to fruition. I’d add to the prolific writer’s questions: Does the dream that doesn’t happen cause resentment, pain, depression—by-products of something that was once a beautiful desire but that has waned and not been achieved?

Whether this type of grief is brought on by a lost relationship (romantic or even platonic), a missed opportunity like mine, or even the loss of a job, it can cause you to sink into a low place, especially if it is not dealt with.

For me, releasing what wasn’t meant to be is a tough process, especially when I’ve fantasized about it and created a full-blown script in my head. But forgiveness, a process I’ve grown to call cyclical, has helped. I need help letting go of what I once thought would come to pass. I know I need God to forgive me for sins in my life, so I, too, need to forgive those who stopped my realization of opportunities, including myself for the role I played. Forgiveness is not a quick, one-and-done process; it takes time, intentionality, prayer . . . and the bitter thoughts can sometimes creep back up after you think you’ve forgiven. But, as I heard and reflected on when visiting Robben Island where Nelson Mandela was held for many years: forgiveness is not for your enemies; it’s for you. There’s no use in living in prison mentally when you’ve been set free physically!

My Confession

I will let go of what I have lost.

What happens to a dream that has not become reality?

Progress, Not Perfection

Spend time reflecting on what you have not released or forgiven.

God of forgiveness: Give me what I need to release, my disappointments and losses to You. Give me the strength and willingness to forgive so that I may be free and open to Your forgiveness. Amen.

–Taken from Navigating the Blues: Where to Turn When Worry, Anxiety, or Depression Steals Your Hope by Katara Washington Patton. Used by permission of Our Daily Bread Publishing®, Grand Rapids MI. All rights reserved. Further distribution is prohibited without written permission from Our Daily Bread Publishing® at permissionsdept@odb.org