Finding—And Sharing—Encouragement in God

My group of friends from high school has remained close over the decades, partly because of our shared loss. When we were 19, a member of our close-knit group died in a car accident. Since then we’ve loved each other through the joys of life—marriage, babies, work achievements—but also through some very low lows—bereavements, disease, loss. 

The latest hard thing that one of us is experiencing feels so raw that I struggle to write about it, and I do so only with her permission. Our friend Lynette’s life changed over a few days last Spring, when her husband of thirty years had an unexpected heart attack. We were so surprised because of how fit and healthy he’d been—especially as a high-school coach—so we assumed he’d recover. Over the next few hours, however, we gathered around Lynette as well as we could digitally, with her based in the Philippines, me in London, and our other friends scattered in the States. In the following days, Andy suffered a bilateral stroke and died. 

Along with losing her lifelong love, Lynette relinquished her job and her home too—she moved back to the States in this new normal of life without Andy. Her second half of life appears completely different from anything she would have anticipated a year ago. We have been stunned, shocked, and saddened on her behalf. 

As I ponder the grief and change she’s experiencing, pressing questions demand my attention: How can I encourage and support her? How can I be a conduit of God’s grace in her life?
I wish there was an easy three-step process I could turn to, but life is just messier than that. Yet God loves us unceasingly and promises to walk with us day by day. Not only when we experience life-changing upheavals such as what Lynette is going through, but also when we seek to provide love and encouragement to those experiencing loss. 

With that proviso, here are three ideas on how to encourage others as they come to terms with grief or disappointment.

1. Ask God to encourage you so that you can encourage others

We can only give what we’ve received, so the more we look to God for encouragement and strength, the more natural it will feel to pass it on to others. A prime way of finding hope in God is through reading His Word. Let’s consider Romans 15, for instance. 

The apostle Paul wrote to the church at Rome to increase their love for God and to help settle some disputes between the various house churches—such as promoting unity between the jewish and gentile Christians. We see the hints of the conflict in verse 1, when Paul says that the strong should “bear with the failings of the weak.” But then Paul reveals how to find encouragement: “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope” (Romans 15:4). As we endure trials, we can look to God for encouragement, especially as we find inspiration in His Word. And when we have the same mind as other believers (v. 5), praising God together, we’ll be strengthened in heart and mind.

We can embrace Paul’s wonderful prayer: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (v. 13). As we echo these words on behalf of those we love, we can ask God to apply them to our own lives too. As we see God using us to bring encouragement to others, so too will the Holy Spirit help us to overflow with hope. 

2. Pray

God has given us the gift of prayer, and He answers us in ways we’d never dream or imagine. We might land on prayer as a last resort or think that in our helplessness it’s not as good as “doing something.” But God loves when we turn to Him, pouring out our concerns, joys, hopes, and frustrations. When we orient ourselves toward Him, we will find ourselves conversing not only in the times that we set a part to read the Bible and pray but throughout the day. We’ll notice when God reminds us of that friend for whom we are so concerned. And often when we act on that nudge, such as sending a text, we find that the timing of us getting in touch is amazingly apt. What a joy to serve the living God, He who loves us.

3. Be present

The third point may seem so obvious that you might question why I’m stating it, but we often have a way of running from heartache. We might feel awkward in asking someone about the hard things they face—such as losing a spouse, child, or dear friend—and fear that we’ll stumble and say something to upset them. But not mentioning the name of the loved one could feel like more of a slight. As Lynette remarked recently, “Do say their name. It’s not like I’m not thinking about Andy all the time anyway.”

The gift of presence is something each of us can give, even when we’re separated geographically. Technology is such a gift here, as I was reminded last week when I got to talk with Netter for over an hour without breaking the bank (through a messaging service). So go for it and send texts. Set up a video chat. Mail a handwritten card or note. Make space in your heart and in your calendar for your friend—you won’t regret it. 

I pray that as you find encouragement in God, you will joyfully pass it along to others. That you’ll pray. And that you’ll be present. May we trust that our God of hope will fill us with never-ending joy and peace when we put our trust in Him. And may we overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

–Written by Amy Boucher Pye. Used by permission from the author. Click here to connect with Amy.