I inhaled slowly, worrying about the cost of having an ambulance rush me to the emergency room. We can’t afford this right now, Lord. I exhaled with a groan, as the paramedics transferred me to a hospital bed and rattled off details about my condition. The sharp pain in my lower back hit double digits on the pain scale again. I inhaled deeply then exhaled with a whimper.
My husband, Alan, sat in a too-small-to-be-comfortable chair in the corner of my small-but-private room. He leaned closer to me. “Do you want another pillow?”
“Your leg is swollen,” I said.
“I’m fine,” he said, adjusting the large brace wrapped around his right leg. “How can I help you?”
“Go home.” I winced as I shifted positions. “I’ll be waiting for a long time. I’ll text you after I see the doctor, so you can pick me up.”
“You seriously think you’re going home today?”
“Well, I can’t afford to stay here.”
“God will provide,” he said. “He always does.”
I knew my husband spoke a truth statement we’d seen proven in our lives. I’d preached the same message of God’s faithfulness for over two decades. But the threat of a costly hospital stay overwhelmed me. This new injury to my lower back that landed me in the emergency room stole my ability to walk and my peace. I can’t take much more, Lord.
I wanted to ask my husband to hug me, to make me feel safe and loved as I confessed my doubts. Instead, I scowled and said, “You need to elevate your leg. Go home.” Through the years, I’d become a pro at distracting and deflecting when I felt weak.
Alan leaned back into his chair. “I’m not leaving you alone,” he said.
Concerned about his health and comfort, yet grateful for his insistence on being present, I concentrated on breathing and remaining still.
The enemy whispered louder, using my anxious thought to jab-jab-jab at my shield of faith, as my pain and the silence increased. While my tank of perseverance ran on fumes, I recounted a few of the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual blows our family had endured since our return from Wisconsin to California in 2020.
God had answered years of prayers with our move back home. Moving was supposed to make everything better. He’d worked in wonderful ways during our time in Wisconsin and during our transition back home to California. Still, my weakening body and ever-changing circumstances made it easy for me to stumble into the ring of unbelief.
The enemy knew my decades-long fight with chronic pain, and my ongoing struggle with pain management and fatigue exposed my weak spots. I knew my opponent remained defeated and powerless against the Holy Spirit, who dwelled in me. But as I lay in that hospital bed, unable to move without excruciating pain in my lower back, the spiritual sparring began.
Before Thanksgiving, my stepson got angry over a disagreement and shoved us out of his life. Punch, below the belt. We mailed Christmas gifts but could not hug our four beautiful grandchildren. Left cross to the cheek.
While my hobbling husband waited for an MRI to determine the extent of his torn Achilles tendon, his yearly dental cleaning led to a biopsy of a growth on his tongue. Right uppercut. During a routine appointment, his doctor diagnosed him with strained vocal cords. Left uppercut.
Our son Xavier, still healing from a previously fractured hand (right hook), continued working full-time while caring for his fiancée, Arri, who had recently fractured her foot (left hook).
After an unexpected surgery on her back paw, Callie, my service dog, developed pressure sores from the bandages. Jab to the chin. Her sores wouldn’t heal, so her recovery time was extended. Jab-jab-jab, to the nose.
Delays in the construction of our new home pushed our move-in date to the end of February . . . maybe even March, which meant we had to stay in our third floor (with no elevator) apartment. Punch to the gut.
So, when the ER doctor admitted me into the hospital, my waning faith had me blocking punches on the ropes. Grasping the rail of the hospital bed, I turned my head and tried to blink away the tears—more evidence of my frustration, discouragement, fear, and . . . doubt. As the debilitating pain in my lower back lingered in double-digit land, I exhaled with silent sobs.
Lord, I have had enough!
TKO (technical knockout).
My desperate prayer wasn’t the first declaration of defeat that has reached God’s ears. Even one of the greatest prophets of the Old Testament experienced the sting of being a human struggling to walk by faith.
After the prophet Elijah boldly called out Ahab’s idolatry, he asked him to “summon the people from all over Israel,” including “the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah” (1 Kings 18:19). He put Baal to the test and prayed to the God of Abraham with fierce faith (vv. 20–36).
Elijah cried out, “Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again” (v. 37). Elijah witnessed God’s power and was empowered by God (vv. 38–46). But when Jezebel’s threats reached into his personal space, Elijah “was afraid and ran for his life” (1 Kings 19:1–3).
“‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.’ Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep” (1 Kings 19:4–5).
Elijah—the faith-filled prophet whose prayers reached God’s ears and brought fire down from heaven—gave up.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve gone from bold declarations of faith to bowed-down pleas for mercy as I, too, tossed in a white towel of surrender.
But God . . . Hallelujah!
God did not give up on Elijah.
The angel of the Lord ministered to Elijah, giving him time to rest while meeting his practical needs (vv. 5–6). Once Elijah regained his strength, God led him to the next stretch of his journey (vv. 7–9).
During my full day in the emergency room and my five-day hospital stay, God sent angels dressed as doctors and nurses to minister to me. I rested my faith-muscles and released my frustrations through a few mini-meltdowns in the middle of the night. I worked with my medical team to manage my pain while running tests that would help determine my treatment plan. I took baby steps and made big goals. “I want to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom without assistance,” I said. That’s right. Big goals.
Every time discouragement crept up behind me, worry slipped into my thoughts, or fear nipped at my heels, I cried out to God. I stopped trying to tell God how to make things better and trusted Him to know me and my needs, as I prayed: Lord, help me!
We will all spar against the enemy in the boxing ring of life. We’ll experience emotional, mental, and physical pain. Most of us will feel like giving up, at one time or another. Some of us will turn to idols, looking for something to fulfill us or relieve our pain. We may even give up on God altogether and say, “I have had enough, Lord!”
God understands the journey is too hard for us to walk alone. So, He walks with us and surrounds us with His people, who can minister to us and meet our practical needs . . . if we take the risk of admitting our vulnerabilities. God empowers us to serve others and be on the receiving end of someone else’s loving service. I’m no longer on my back and my peace has returned.
Whether we’re walking with or without assistance, barely scraping by, or lying flat on our backs, God promises to set the perfect pace as we follow Him down the path He’s planned for each of us. He will provide all we’ll ever need. And when we’re on the ropes, feeling like we’ve had enough, God assures us that He will always be enough as He empowers us to take each step by faith, one deep breath at a time.
–Written by Xochitl Dixon. Used by permission from the author. Click here to connect with Xochitl.
30 Responses
Very touching and relatable story. As I lay in bed sick, my back is hurting and my mental woahs are present. I’m not sure I can take on anything else right now. I’m alone and defeated. My alcoholic husband has verbally and mentally abused me since Jan 2020, when I caught him in so many lies, involving a porn star situation. I stood by him, he was sick and I felt very strong about our wedding vows, but along the way I lost myself and he totally destroyed my life. It’s been sink or swim for me lately, and I know that God has been holding my chin out of the water, literally keeping me from going under. There is just no other way to explain why I’m still alive and thriving, except for the love of Jesus and our Lord. I fight depression every day, I fight to not give up, I pray for hope and love, which my son, granddaughter and so many friends provide. I suppose they are my “Tribe”! I’m thankful for them. I’m also thankful for my kitty, that God has provided me with the love he brings to me. In fact, he’s laying beside me right now as I type. I just joined this blog and so far I’m seeing and feeling the honesty and care of others thru giving their testimonies or just sharing their lives. Thank you 🙏🏼 💗
Lulu, I apologize for my delayed response. I teared up as I read your message. I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Sister. Mighty and merciful God, please hold Lulu close enough to hear your heart beating for her. Give her all she needs to lean into You each day. Bless her with reminders of Your perfect love for her, as You continue comforting and strengthening her through those You have placed in her Tribe. Thank You, Lord, for loving us and being all we need. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I’ve been sitting here tonight with chest pains trying to decide if I can handle it, or if I should tell my husband it’s time to go to the ER. Thank you. You helped me to decide that I must have faith. God will provide.
Ida, I apologize for my delayed response. I’m so sorry you have been dealing with chest pains. I’m grateful you have someone to care for you. Loving Lord, thanks for blessing Ida with reminders of Your goodness as our protector and provider. Please give her wisdom as she considers her medical treatment. Surround her with doctors who will see her as a person, not just a file number. Please be her strength and her enduring peace as she trusts You with every second of her healing journey. We pray for a miracle of Your healing mercy in her life, Lord. May Your name be glorified as You carry her through this difficult time. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I can relate to this story and I too am going thru chronic pain for the past ten years. It has mentally & physically drained me where now I struggle with depression & anxiety. Many times I’ve cried out to God that I’ve had enough & to take my life. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but never acted on them, I’m just so tired of being sick & tired. God has been faithful thru my life, at times I say God, where are you. I know that He promised never to leave us nor forsake us, but my pain becomes overwhelming. Jesus went thru pain I could never understand and he never gave up on me. So I don’t want to give up on Him, I pray persistently for some kind of breakthrough or that he would take me home.
Lourdes, I apologize for my delayed response. I am so sorry you have suffered with chronic pain for the past ten years. It is so hard to live with pain for so long. Gracious Father, thanks for helping Lourdes feel Your presence as You kept her from taking her life. Thanks for creating her! Please, Lord, show her how valuable she is to You and to this world, especially when she is feeling weary and discouraged. Be her strength and enduring peace as she continues placing her healing journey into Your trustworthy hands. We pray for a miracle of Your healing grace, Lord. We know You can and pray You will empower her to rely on Your constant presence and rejoice in Your victory, even when her body feels worn out. Surround her with people who will love her and support her as she continues trusting in You through every moment of the wait. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Excellent testimony because I too feeling like, "I’ve had enough" with my ongoing health problems. I read this late but right on time. Your words of confession gave me hope to keep believing. God knows my desire and need for healing to serve. In my late life Journey single I made that commitment to God. I am forever grateful to him for saving me, forgiving me and giving me a hope and a future.
Peggy, I apologize for my delayed response. I’m praising God for bringing you to this blog right on time. Hallelujah! He is so good! Faithful Father, thank You for increasing Peggy’s hope as she places every heart-desire into Your loving hands. Be her peace as she serves You with Spirit-empowered courage and confidence. We pray for a miracle of Your healing mercy, Lord. Please help her trust Your goodness and faithfulness when her health problems feel overwhelming. Remind her, Lord, that she is loved and valued just because she is Your child. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
"God assures he will always be enough". This is beautiful. Thank you.
Sandra, I apologize for my delayed response. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement, Sister. To God be the glory! Loving Lord, thanks for creating Sandra and bringing her to the God Hears Her Family. Please continue to be her peace as You affirm You will always be enough no matter what comes. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I really understand. I have been chronically ill for 36 years. Lupus. The hard kind. It took my job. My marriage. My children went the wrong way after being raised in a Bible believing -Bible doing church. I stay in pain even with pain management. My GI Tract is paralyzed and Medtronics that made a device that helped me for 20 years, stopped making the device that I needed. Now the doctors have said they can do no more–that was 4 years ago. God has different plans. I really wish He would share them. Each day is a battle that no one else can understand, but Jesus. So onward I go with Him.
Betsy, I apologize for my delayed response. I’m so sorry to hear you have been chronically ill for so long. My heart ached as I read about your losses and struggles. You are not alone, beautiful sister. Mighty and merciful God, we need You. Thank You for being Betsy’s strength and enduring hope as You carry her through each day. We know You are our Great Physician, so we pray with confidence for Your healing mercy. When we are hurting, please help us feel the peace of Your constant presence. Please provide for her every need right on time, Lord. Thanks for assuring us that You will never change, so we can depend on You one breath at a time. May Your name be glorified as Your power is magnified in and through our lives, Lord. Please bless my sweet sister as she continues to trust in You with Spirit-empowered courage. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Every time I am personally touched by and relate to one of the articles on God Hears Her or on Our Daily Bread, you are the one who has written it. I thank the Lord for you and for your ability to reach those with His word. Keep shining your light!
Cassandra, I apologize for my delayed response. Thanks for your kind words of affirmation and encouragement. To God be the glory! He is so good to us. Jesus, we love You and are so grateful for every promise You have given us to trust. Please bless Cassandra as she continues walking in Spirit-empowered courage and confidence. Surround her with others who love You and will lift her up in love. Please bless her with tangible expressions of Your perfect love for her, as she continues speaking life into others with contagious joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I cried when I read this. I am so here. And I know without a doubt He has me. Sometimes it just takes getting to the breaking point to accept His love and His direction for my life.
Michele, I apologize for my delayed response. I am so sorry you are hurting and feeling overwhelmed right now, Sister. You are not alone! Faithful Father, thank You for being our strength and enduring hope as You carry us through each day. Please wrap Michele in the peace of Your constant presence as she trusts You with every step she takes. Thank You for reminding us that You will catch every tear in Your hand and hear every silent or sobbed prayer. Please continue to bless her with unshakeable faith, Lord. Reveal Yourself to her as she leans into Your capable hands and allows You to revitalize her spirit with the surety of Your endless love for her. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Xochitl, thank you for sharing with such vulnerability. Your health issues with your body mirror mine. Chronic fatigue and chronic pain, then the unbearable pain in the lower back. I have been housebound for over a year. My Father has met me in this place of quietness. My verses have been Isaiah 40:31 and Isaiah 30:15. And of course, Nehemiah 8:10. The first few months were awful. So many attacks on my faith. Slowly the Lord has shaped me into a prayer warrior. He brings those to me who need prayer. Even though isolated, He is still using me. Just differently than before.
Elizabeth, I apologize for my delayed response. Thanks for sharing with me, Sister. I am so sorry you have had to endure such pain for so long. You are not alone! Loving God, thanks for holding Elizabeth close as she trusts You with every detail of her healing journey. Please continue to fuel her faith with Your infallible Word. Be her peace as she comes before You and prays for others who need Your enduring hope. Thanks for reminding her that she is seen and heard and loved completely. Thank You, Lord, for using her to intercede for others even when she feels alone. Nothing we do in Your name is useless, Lord. Hallelujah! Thanks for using Elizabeth to encourage me and so many others as she trusts You and serves You with unwavering faith. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Amen 🙏 amen 🙏 amen , my soul was and is richly blessed by this piece, praise be unto God. This is very very encouraging and motivating unto me.
Aphia, I apologize for my delayed response. Hallelujah! I am praising God with you, Sister. I appreciate your kind words of encouragement. To God be the glory, the honor, and the praise!
Yesterday as I was riding home from a doctor’s appointment, I held back tears because I didn’t want my husband to see me cry yet again. I was feeling frustrated, angry, hurt and in pain. I told Father GOD, I was tired. My body, my mind and everything else accompanied with the feeling of being weighed down. All I could do was sit and pray for strength to carry me through. I had battled breast cancer two years ago, and praise GOD was healed from it; however, the chemo and radiation treatments still have lasting side effects. I woke up this week in excruciating pain that started in my back and buttocks, traveling down my hip and leg. I couldn’t sit, stand or walk without severe pain penetrating my body. I went to urgent care and was told after an x-ray that there was degenerative disc damage, which is causing me to experience sciatica. All I could think of, was here we go again, when will this crazy cycle of newfound pain end, and stop trying to be an unwanted friend. This was yet something new added to my list of chemo after effects. I woke up this morning still feeling the pain, still feeling emotional and off-balance. Then out of nowhere (which I knew was the Holy Spirit speaking to me), I opened my email and saw the title of this article: I Have Had Enough Lord! Without a doubt, I knew this was a message from GOD, especially after telling Him how tired I was and am. The entire article/testimony spoke to me. It’s just what I needed to hear!!!!! I will sit still in your message, and allow it to speak to my heart, so I can continue to do the work and stand strong in my faith. I can’t express my gratitude enough to you. Thank you for allowing GOD to use you to bless others. — A humble heart
Vlicki, I apologize for my delayed response. My heart ached as I read your beautiful testimony of faith, Sister. I’m so sorry you are hurting and having to deal with so many side effects. Almighty God, thanks for creating my sister and carrying her through the difficult treatments she had to endure. As she continues to trust You, please be her strength. Wrap her in the peace of Your constant presence as she places every detail of her healing journey into Your mighty and merciful hands. We can do nothing without You, Lord. But we know You are working in and through these difficult days. We know You are with us and faithfully leading us to the next step You want us to take. Be our everlasting hope when our circumstances seem hopeless. We pray for a miracle of Your healing grace as we trust You to work in and through our lives. Please surround my sister with people who love You and will love her and support her when she is weary. May Your name be glorified in and through her beautiful life. In Jesus’ name, Amen
I CAN TOO RELATE WE ALL AS WOMEN STRUGGLE AS A WIDOW AND MOM OF AN AUTISTIC SON I HAVE STRUGGLED AND STRUGGLED MY FAITH IS ALL I HAVE I PRAY MEDITATE ASK FOR GUIDANCE FROM MY GUIDES,DIVINE LORD AND MY ANGELS.I DO KNOW GOD IS THERE ALWAYS IN ALL OF OUR STRUGGLES .SO MANY TIMES IVE GIVEN UP BUT KNEW I COULDNT MY SON NEEDS ME THANK U FOR SHARING YOUR STORY.IT GIVES UR EVEN MORE HOPE AND BELIEVE THE GOOD LORD IS FOREVER WITH US AMEN GODS BLESSINGS
Fe, I apologize for my delayed response. Thanks for sharing your heart, Sister. Loving God, thanks for reminding us that You are with us as we lean into Your promises. Thanks for creating Fe and her son. Please be her strength and peace as she loves and cares for her son. Surround her with people who will love them, support them, and encourage them one day at a time. Be her enduring hope when circumstances feel overwhelming. We know You are working in ways we may not be able to see right now. Help us trust You, Lord. Help us walk with Spirit-empowered boldness of faith no matter what lies ahead of us. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank you Xochitl, for sharing this. Your vulnerability will make me stronger and is reminding me of God’s grace and unwavering faithfulness. God Bless you and your family!!
Tracy, I apologize for my delayed response. I appreciate your encouragement, Sister. To God be the glory! Loving Father, thank You for creating Tracy. Please be her strength and peace as she rests in Your promises each day. Reveal Yourself to her intimately as she leans into You and trusts You with every detail of her life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Thank you for this encouraging story of your life experiences! Sometimes as Christians we are hesitant to admit that we have real struggles and doubts as the enemy works on our fears and insecurities. But God is faithful to minister to our worries and stress and give us the strength, and ever present signs that He loves us and is always able to help us if we are faithful and call on him.
Adrienne, I apologize for my delayed response. Thanks for your encouragement. To God be the glory!
Xochitl,
I can so relate as a fellow warrior fighting many things. Often the jabs come from all sides in a fierce attempt to weary me down to the point of wanting to throw in the towel and my sword. I have encountered numerous times of crying out to God saying, "enough it enough! I can’t bear this anymore!" God being a faithful and good one that He is, knows how much longer we are to endure and persevere in the fires, before He calls, Time is up! It may feel like there is no end to the battles, but God’s Word says there is a time and a season for everything. How ever long our seasons are, it will come to an end, when the time is right. We will come out stronger and totally transformed in the process. You encourage my heart dear warrior. Keep giving our enemy, the devil, who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy our faith and love for God, a huge black eye! Keep shining brightly in your walk of tenacity! Sending you my love and blessings. Jean
Thanks for your encouragement, Jean. To God be the glory, the honor, and the praise! You are so right! God knows how long we will need to endure and "persevere in the fires." And He does beautiful refining work during the most difficult moments in our lives. Hallelujah! It’s a blessing to know we are not alone in our journey. It is my pleasure and privilege to walk with you, as God continues to refine us. May His name be glorified as we praise Him in all circumstances. You are a wonderful encourager, Sister!