It’s okay to let go, I heard as I settled down in bed for the night. Seemingly out of nowhere, the voice continued, You don’t have to cling so tightly. It’s okay to hold on more loosely.
I wasn’t quite sure what it even meant; let go of what? Control? Perfection? Guilt? But somehow it was exactly what I needed to hear. The knot in my stomach relaxed; the vague and constant guilt for I’m-not-quite-sure-what faded into the background. Peace washed over me, and in its wake, sleep, which had been eluding me for days.
Now, I’m not one to claim that the Spirit told me this or the Spirit told me that. In fact, I can be a bit cynical about claims like that being carelessly thrown around. I’ve seen too many times when people seemed unable to recognize any difference between what they deemed the Spirit’s voice and their own desires and ambitions. An upbringing and education steeped in Calvinism’s strong emphasis on the human capacity for self-deception, delusion, and blindness has indelibly wired “Proceed with caution” into my mind when it comes to claiming God’s leading.
And yet. I do believe I’ve sensed the Spirit leading in countless moments like these. That reassuring “voice” both sounded like my own voice and intuition and like a voice from outside myself—the Spirit reminding me of the truth: that I don’t need to be in control to find rest. That I don’t need to earn rest. That it’s a gift. That my life is grounded in grace, and that guilt and anxiety doesn’t need to have the last word. That I can let go of needing to be in control. That it’s okay to let go.
I’m fascinated by how Paul describes the Spirit’s leading in Romans 8. After a stunning description of the freedom and hope found in living “according to the Spirit” (v. 4), Paul says “When we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God” (vv. 15–16). It almost sounds like the Spirit having a conversation with our own spirit, united almost inseparably. When we cry out to our God, the Spirit cries with us. And that same Spirit reassures our own spirit once more that we are God’s children.
So I think I’m giving up on neatly discerning the difference between the voice of the Spirit and our own intuition, because I suspect it’s almost always more complicated than that. The Spirit speaks into our hearts, minds, and lives just as we are, gently leading us toward the truth when we need it most. Not as an outside, easily distinguished booming voice from the heavens, but as the quiet whisper that’s always drawing our heart and spirit back to rest in God’s love.
I don’t need to be able to neatly draw a line between what the Spirit said and what my own heart and mind said, because what matters most is whether what was said is true, whether it witnessed to the love of God in Christ. And in that moment, God led me back to rest in him.
–Written by Monica LaRose. Used by permission from the author.
10 Responses
I too was trapped in a marriage by lies. My husband would pray with me, read the Bible together, etc., and after we were married it all changed. I realized I married a narcissist. 14 years later, God has given me the strength, the boldness, the backbone, to leave him and move back 7 hours to my family and home town. I have been beaten down verbally and gaslighted and then he became an alcoholic. He drinks every single night and not just one or two, he gets staggering drunk every night and I find myself worrying about him when I leave. We have discussed me leaving and he wants it also. I will be leaving in the next month or so. We have slept in separate bedrooms for over a year now. But I worry about him. I’m afraid he will not wake up one morning if I’m not here to take care of him. And then God spoke to me and told me it was no longer my responsibility. I will always care for him and want the best for him and I will pray my husband seeks the help he needs. God has given me so much courage where I didn’t think I had any. I thought I was going to live the rest of my life being unhappy and away from my family (my support system). It will be hard to pull out of this driveway for the last time, but God is telling me it’s time to go. I will be able to serve Him better if I’m not in a verbally abusive relationship who drinks. I’m happy to be going home.
I appreciate your openness. I want so much to let go. I pray it, but am I really letting go? Keep staying on my mind and heart.
Thanks for sharing, Mary, I relate – I think God meets us in our trying to let go. To be honest, I think I rarely if ever feel capable of surrendering completely, but it’s amazing what happens when we open our hearts to surrender just a little, just what we can. God does more than we are able to.
Thanks so much for this. "Let go, Let GOD, gain His PEACE, Trust!
I have been able to hear God’s voice when facing challenges and struggles in my life, many times after I have tried to figure it out on my own, and He has always led me in the right direction. We can never go wrong when we heed to His voice. It has worked well for me!! Thank you, Holy Spirit.
Thanks, Gwendolyn.
I agree with you. I am very slow to accept people saying–God or the Holy Spirit told me this or that–especially when they say it a lot. I have realized that for me, that the Holy Spirit has to hit me over the head to get my attention–so why do so many people hear Him say things so often? Well, I have been chronically ill with Lupus-the very hard kind since I was 25. I had 2 young sons and my husband who I thought knew Christ when we married,showed no signs of it after we said "I Do". Our marriage dissolved when our 2nd son was only 3. I went through a custody battle –I was working and doing ok at that time. He had just put me down so much that I could not hear anything but his voice. I couldn’t hear God in any way. I had been a doormat for so long. i am a RN and functioning very well at that point, but he found me socially unacceptable. We tried Christian counseling–in that I found he was a pathological liar–he was a narcissist. How could I have missed it. The Holy Spirit surely would have told me!!! Well, I received custody of the boys, God knew where they needed to be.
During the divorce and custody battle, my parents would come out from Arkansas, where they were retired and stay from Thanksgiving until New Years. I so loved them coming and the boys did, too!!! My ex acted like he loved for them to come–until our last winter together–he began hitting me in front of them. My dad was a very strong man –he had to walk out of the house or he would have killed my ex. They didn’t have any respect for him. During the time of the divorce, I finally told my mom I could not take anymore–I was going to give the kids to him. I had prayed and prayed and nothing came back. She-my mom-was very wise!! She said–You pray several times everyday that God will make you the mother He would have you to be. That was it. I did–not feeling anything for weeks. Then slowly I felt a stirring in my heart that I had shut down due to all the games and abuse. Yes, I heard-keep praying. I was in the laundry room–clear as day-I heard it. I kept praying that prayer–I started feeling again. When I would pray my general prayers for others and for needs and thanksgiving for God’s blessings, I would still hear -keep praying. Well, in 2 1/2 years the divorce was settled 2 minutes before we were to go in for a jury trial. He was an FBI Agent. We were property. He caved. How thankful I was. I thanked the Lord over and over!!! I kept praying that one small prayer til this day.
I am 62 now –I became disabled at 37 just 7 years after the divorce was final. The kids and I had moved to Arkansas so my parents could help–my youngest son kept saying "dad is hurting us". I didn’t want revenge or to ruin his career–I had to have the child support! Nurses don’t have sufficient pay in the south.
He finally got transferred to Arkansas. During those years, I LEARNED to listen for the Holy Spirit’s voice–or thought I had. Definitely I had grown in my relationship with Jesus and God. I raised my boys in a very good Bible believing and doing church. Fast forward–I am in California now, living with my oldest son and wife and 3 awesome grandchildren!! My health has taken its toll. I have been home bound for over 4 years. Being a people person it has been terribly hard. God, though has used this time to teach me so much–I thought I was a mature Christian. God felt apparently I need some more work done on me—I have really found what it is to listen and to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice immediately and often—sometimes everyday!! If someone had told me I would be saying this years back, I would have said -I don’t know his voice. Now there is so much peace, my body is racked with pain and I have so many limitations, but it has been made clear to me that i can trust God in all things and give thanks for each situation. That is how I have grown and can pray for others and even counsel them over the phone or on the computer. Being home bound would not be what I would have chosen, but oh, the benefits that have come along with it are priceless!!! I lean heavily on those Everlasting Arms and my ears are opened wide to the Holy Spirit’s promptings!! How thankful I am!! Yes, I would love to be back in my church, but that is in God’s hands and timing. I have very good support from my church and am so thankful for that!!
One small prayer that my mom told me to pray—what a difference!!!!
Elizabeth, thank you so much for sharing. I’m so grieved to hear of the abuse you’ve endured, and grateful for your testimony resilience and God helping you protect and care for yourself and your children. I’m also grateful to hear that there were people in your life who helped give you hope and helped free you from the entanglement of your abuser’s control over you, and that you have a good support network around you. Praying for you and your family’s continued healing.
This was a beautiful read – and much needed today! Somehow in only the way he can God speaks to me when I’m praying and helps me know what to do. And I’m so grateful for that. May God continue to bless you with his guidance🤗
Thanks so much for sharing, Cathy. Yes, it is amazing the subtle but powerful ways God works through prayer!