Kevan Chandler was born with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA), a rare neuromuscular disease that causes progressive muscle wasting. The disease confines him to a power wheelchair and Kevan requires assistance for almost all aspects of his life from bathing to eating. Remarkably, to fulfill a lifelong dream, he and his friends took a three-week trek across Europe in 2016. Knowing that his wheelchair would not allow him to experience many of the places they wanted to visit, his friends left his wheelchair at home and carried Kevan in a backpack they specially designed for the adventure.
While their journey across Europe (and later China) is significant, it’s actually the ways in which people help Kevan navigate everyday life that I find most astonishing. His friends voluntarily sign up for regular times each week to help him with his physical, personal care needs so that he has help every day. In his book, The Hospitality of Need, Kevan writes about his decision to invite people into his life as a pathway for fostering deeper relationships.
Needing Help
While we easily acknowledge Kevan must have help with even the most basic of needs, the reality that most of us try to ignore is that each one of us has ways in which we need other people to help us. Humans weren’t designed to navigate this life alone. Even Jesus. While Jesus was completely God and human at the same time, there are a few glimpses in the New Testament when we see the reality of his humanity; when Jesus, the creator and sustainer of all living things (Colossians 1:16), needed other people to help him.
Hidden in a powerful story of God’s love for all people is also a reminder that Jesus needed others. The account opens with Jesus traveling by foot from Judea back to Galilee because of rising tension with the Jewish religious leaders. Going through the region known as Samaria, Jesus was weary from walking in the heat of the day. First, he sent the disciples into the local town to purchase food to ease his hunger. Then, “Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (John 4:6–7). Jesus’ request for water was a real physical need that the woman met. That exchange became an invitation for relationship and discussion with the woman, who eventually came to recognize Jesus as the promised Messiah.
Asking for Help
If you are like me, it can be easy to serve someone else. When I get a link to take a meal to a new mother or a request for hand-me-down clothes for a refugee family our church has sponsored, I don’t hesitate to sign up to help.
However, it can be incredibly difficult for me to ask for assistance or even accept help when it’s offered, especially if the need is complicated or messy. I’m trying to change my perspective and view both the giving and accepting of help as part of the spiritual discipline of hospitality. From that viewpoint, it becomes an opportunity and an invitation for community and interdependency that pushes back against the idol of self-sufficiency and self-reliance that can be my default response.
There have been times when I’ve had to accept help. Once my husband was on an international trip when I became so sick that I needed a friend to watch my four young children while another friend took me to the emergency room. Then, friends spent the night on the floor in my home until I recovered enough to care for my family. Or I still appreciate the time when a friend cleaned my house during a really hectic season so that I could meet all the demands in my life. As I’ve reflected on those experiences, they were meaningful opportunities for connection that deepened those relationships.
Saying “Yes”
It might seem like a scary proposition to request or accept help, but God’s Spirit can encourage you to embrace your need for help as an opportunity to deepen your relationships with others.
Consider asking a friend to watch your children for a few hours so that you can go to an event you’d otherwise have to miss. As the recipient of hospitality, you might consider picking up coffee and staying for a few minutes when you return to collect your children and purposefully engage in meaningful conversation.
Perhaps you could ask a friend to take you to a medical appointment if the procedure will prohibit you from driving yourself home. After accepting this form of hospitality, a kind thank you note could be an incredible encouragement and blessing.
Or if a friend offers to help get your garden ready for spring, say “yes!” even if you’re not able to reciprocate the favor. Doing it together could open avenues for deeper friendship.
As you accept help, it likely will open your eyes to ways that you can extend hospitality to others. Perhaps your graphic design skills could benefit a friend running a non-profit organization. Or your culinary skills might bless a new family in the neighborhood and build a bridge for later connection.
The spiritual act of offering and accepting hospitality when we have a need can become a powerful way that we reject isolation and embrace community; an opportunity to emphasize our interconnectedness; and a practical demonstration of the outworking of being part of the family of God.
—Written by Lisa M. Samra. Used by permission from the author.
