“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. —Joel 2:12–13
As youngsters, my sister Cindy and I would often squabble. When our voices reached a certain decibel level, my mother feared we’d come to blows, so she’d intervene. She’d listen to our heated defense of why one of us was right and the other was wrong, then declare the matter settled.
“Lori, tell your sister you’re sorry.”
“Sorry,” I’d mutter, glaring at Cindy.
“Now, Cindy, tell Lori you’re sorry.”
“Sorry,” she’d mumble, glaring back.
“Good,” Mom would say, satisfied that she’d mediated yet another heated exchange. “Now go play.”
We’d stomp out of the room, no more reconciled than when we’d begun the argument.
From my sage position as an adult, I look back on those exchanges with greater understanding. I know now that reconciliation can’t happen without sorrow over sin and genuine repentance. This truth applies to both human and spiritual relationships.
I wonder sometimes if Christians, myself included, take our sin too lightly. Do we make excuses for our bad behavior, or, worse yet, fail to deal with it at all? When we sin, do we treat our offenses more casually than we should, muttering a token, “Sorry,” to the sky, when true confession and repentance is needed? Do we eagerly wrap ourselves in God’s blanket of forgiveness and then drag it through the mud with our sinful actions?
The book of Joel shares God’s strong encouragement to the wayward children of Israel: “Return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments” (Joel 2:12–13).
In Bible days, people expressed sorrow by tearing (rending) their clothes. Everyone who saw them knew they were grieving. If someone wanted to demonstrate their repentance and sorrow over their sin, they would publicly tear their clothes. However, similarly to my token, “I’m sorry,” to my sister, the outward display didn’t always mean they were sincerely repentant in their heart. When we sin against God and others, God’s Word insists outward sorrow isn’t enough. We must mean it on the inside.
The spiritually proper response to sin is a rending of our hearts— seeing our sin as God sees it—and humbling ourselves in confession and repentance. “Return to the Lord your God,” Joel 2:13 reads, “for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.” Confession and repentance don’t impact (or restore) our salvation, because Christ’s atoning work on the cross settled that forever. Instead, they restore the sweet communion we enjoyed with God before sin interrupted our fellowship.
As my sister and I got older, we realized that when we genuinely felt and expressed remorse and regret over our unkind words and actions, we were able to move past the offenses and back into warm camaraderie again. God desires this process for our relationship with Him as well.
So the next time you sin (against God and others), stop a moment to reflect. Why did you do it, say it, or fail to do it? How do you think God sees it? Are you truly sorry? Then pray, expressing to God how you’ve offended Him. Ask for His forgiveness and help. Rend your heart, not your garment. When you do, His patient spirit and boundless love will wrap you in forgiveness and restoration.
—Adapted from Refresh Your Faith by Lori Hatcher. Used by permission of Our Daily Bread Publishing®, Grand Rapids MI. All rights reserved. Further distribution is prohibited without written permission from Our Daily Bread Publishing® at permissionsdept@odb.org
3 Responses
Teresa,
Thanks so much for trusting us with your story. As you’ve described, sin, especially those sins we commit against those closest to us, have long-range and devastating consequences. You may remember David’s sin of adultery with Bathsheba. A horrible sin that caused many horrible consequences. BUT, and there’s a really big BUT here–God offered David total forgiveness. He offers us the same. He even called David "a man after God’s own heart," which proves that God forgave him and still loved him.
Today I read Psalm 32. Here’s part of it. It’s David’s own experience, and it sounds a lot like what you’ve described:
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered.
2 Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent, my bones grew old
Through my groaning all the day long.
4 For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was turned into the drought of summer. Selah
5 I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
David’s words show us that until we confess our sins to God, our souls cannot find rest. Our sins torment us until we confess and forsake them. Then and only then can we find peace and forgiveness before God. He forgives us, cleanses us, and removes our guilt.
After we confess to God, the next step is to acknowledge our sin to the one we’ve sinned against and ask their forgiveness. In your case, you don’t know where your ex-husband is. I’d encourage you to pray and tell God that you want to ask your husband’s forgiveness and ask God to help you find him. If the Lord wants you to speak to him, He’ll make it possible. If not, you can trust that this isn’t God’s plan right now.
But regardless of whether you find him, you can rest that as much as it depends on you, you’ve confessed and surrendered your sin to God. This is all you can do, and all God requires. 1 John 1:9 tells us that if we confess our sin (any and all), God is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Confession breaks the power of guilt.
After you’ve sincerely confessed and forsaken your sin, any accusation you hear is from Satan, not from God. God convicts us of our sin so we can confess, forsake, and receive forgiveness. Satan condemns us to destroy us. God forgives and removes our sin from us. The devil likes to keep bringing it up. When this happens, you just remind him that in Christ you are forgiven. Romans 8:1 tells us, "Therefore there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." Refuse to listen to Satan’s lies.
I’m praying for you, my friend. May God be glorified in and through you.
~Lori
What if the sin a person commits, is against a spouse, and both, you and him are separated, and have been for almost 14 years? Case in point, this is just what had happened to my husband and me….We’ve gotten married in 83, and brought into this world, four wonderful sons. However, over the years, there has been some, how should I say, unhealthy, issues between him and me. Let’s just say, I have done the unthinkable against him, and against God. How am I to reconcile the difference between my husband and me, when, I no longer know, where he’s even at? Him and I have been separated on May 1, 2009. Just 15 days, after the loss of my mother. I lost her due to congestive heart failure.
I have been battling with this guilt, and shame inside me, ever since. However, there are other issues, in my life. which, goes back even farther than, before, my husband and I ever met, and gotten married. Issues, which, stems from my early childhood, that I cannot seem, to get out of my head.
It is due to these events from my early childhood, that I can’t seem, to move forward in my life. They haunt me, day and night……..
How can I, explain all of this to my sons, whose father, had walked out on them, and me? Please……..let me know.
Sincerely,
Teresa Thomas
Hi Teresa,
I just came across your comment and I am sorry you have still held onto this pain. I think the best thing you can do is find a Christian therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your childhood while considering different approaches to explain what happened with your sons. What I love most about God is that He is a God of solution. Even in the most difficult problem He gives us an answer – though they may not always be the easiest. You got this because God has you! Be encouraged and take control over your healing process by locating the right Christian therapist asap!
Best,
Krystine