For as long as I can remember, I have sought the approval of men. Like many daughters, I longed for the praise and attention of my father growing up, but for whatever reason, the approval he gave was never enough. As a young child, I giggled in delight when Charlie or Nick or Jason would chase me around the playground. Shrouded in the fog of extreme shyness, I developed massive middle school crushes, and from the age of 13 until I turned 20, there was never less than a month of time between one long-term boyfriend and the next. My self-worth was tied up in both what I could show off in a fatherly approval trophy case and what I could win in affection and attention from my boyfriend.
As a young woman trying to figure out who I was, I unconsciously turned to what I thought the boys and men might like most about me, even if it wasn’t really me. If the boy-of-the-moment liked heavy metal, well, Metallica was my new favorite band. His dreams became my dreams, his hopes my hopes. When that relationship ultimately fell through, I latched on to the next guy and his hopes and dreams, determined to earn the love I so desperately wanted. I was a chameleon, changing myself to suit the setting, simultaneously practicing my signature with “Mrs.” in the front of whoever’s last name was currently dating me.
All the while, I was being pursued by another suitor who seemed determined to use whatever means necessary to win my heart. God was quiet but relentless, inciting my best friend to invite me to Bible studies, even using my high school sweetheart to drag me to church every Sunday. I kicked and bucked with anger against the notion that God could be so merciful as to love and forgive everyone equally, when I was so committed to proving my worth. The scales of justice were not to be imbalanced: how else would I measure up if God wasn’t in the business of weighing good and evil? Isn’t that what I had been trying to do ever since I was a child, demonstrate that I was worth loving, worth praising, worthy of acceptance and admiration?
I couldn’t wrap my mind around the reckless grace of God, an unearned gift of love. I had assumed love was the natural reward for being the right kind of person, the wrong kind of person, those who fail to live up to someone else’s expectations, were punished by withholding love. It wasn’t until I leap frogged off the scale of good and landed clumsily on the scale of evil that God, who had been waiting patiently for me to wander into the desert, stepped in to rescue me.
In Hosea 2:14-15, the Lord says, “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt” (NIV). Hosea’s story is God commanding him to marry Gomer, a woman who was drawn to other lovers. She was unfaithful to Hosea, and yet God tells him to go to her anyway, find her, bring her back into the protection of their marriage. The story runs parallel to God’s love for the nation of Israel: despite your unfaithfulness, Israel, the Lord your God will restore you.
At the age of 18, the message of Hosea became real for me. God had watched me wander from lover to lover, seeking the wholeness he knew I desired. He let me walk into the wilderness of bad decisions I never thought I’d make. In that barren land, God stripped me of the lie I had believed about his love—that it had to be earned by obeying a certain set of rules. Up until then, I believed I had earned my place in the heavens. I didn’t need to be saved; I was above grace.
When I fell to the point that I was willing to acknowledge my failures, instead of punishing me, he rescued me and restored me. In the verses above, “Achor” means “trouble.” God made the place of trouble into a door of hope, and that’s what union with Christ does: it turns the valley of our trouble into a door of hope. When I gave in to the grace and love of Jesus Christ, he became the most important voice of affirmation and love in my life.
I would no longer be the scared 18-year-old who had up until then camouflaged herself with whatever man she hoped to please. I was done reflecting men’s shadows. By trying to conform to the men in my life, I was on my way to being absorbed by their personalities, but by being transformed through the power and love of Jesus Christ, I was now on the pathway to being made into the most complete version of myself.
Christ is the one source of light that gives life. Once you finally unite with that light, nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39 NIV). That source of light even has its way of transforming the shadows from empty vessels into healthy relationships that can glorify God.
When I have been tempted to dissolve again into the approval of men and women, whether through job performance or friendship or even in my marriage, the anxiety of self-doubt and worthlessness becomes once more my personal Valley of Achor. The only way out of that valley is through running back into the light of Christ, our door of hope.
Remember the grace of the days of your youth, remember how he found you in the wilderness and wooed you with his love. Remember how he restored your vineyards and turned your trouble into hope. God has and is and will continue that good work. He is the great rescuer, the Lord who will carry you to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).
Written by Sarah Wells. Used by permission of the author. Click here to connect with Sarah.
18 Responses
Jeganath Manohar
Oh great. What a wonderful testimony , restoration, a living sacrifice after acknowledging Jesus as the Door of Hope in this world of Valley of Achor.. God bless you more and Be a Blessing to many…
A beautiful and powerful testimony! I especially love her statement that "God made the place of trouble into a door of hope." Praise the Lord!
Thank you for your testimony. I am currently seeking God about my identity in Him. He has stripped away everything that I used to create my identity leaving me naked before Him. I have come to realize that He needed to do this because you can’t put new wine in old wine skins. He desires to pour new wine into my life, clothe me in His love and grace. I don’t have to strive, search or try to earn my identity because He already has one for me. As I surrender my expectations and thoughts of how my life should be to God then I can receive the one already planned for me.
Great news…wonderful joy, to know once again HOW MUCH we are all loved..by the lover of our soul.
"Been there done that" looking for love in all the wrong places. Blind to the love of Christ. I didn’t need to search my world for who so ever will…God loves me, he will never leave me…I am not alone. It has taken half my life and I contine to struggle. It is what I cannot see that gives me doubt. Reading the word of God daily…helps ground me to the reality of truth. My Dear Mother ready for Heavens door always quoted this Biblical truth… for he saith " I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee". Hallelujah what Beautiful words of God’s promise.
Amazing! Gods blessing of the day. Thank you!
My pastor recently shared a message on Hosea 2 and it was great! This message from Sarah though!!!
The way she broke it down and connected it to her own life experiences- made it a bit more relatable for me! I appreciate the way she is allowing the LORD to use her to provide inspiration through words and her own testimony to assist others on their journey and healing.
Great Story ❤️
I really enjoyed this testimony and truth. Thank you sister so needed to hear this on the morning. God truly hears her and I heard Him speaking through this.
WOW, if I was a writer I could have wrote this, that’s how closely it echoes my life. Only with me, I would be rescued only to backslide right back to it, I spent the majority of my life, starting at about 14 to my mid-50s, striving for some boys/man’s approval, I always called it "just wanting to be happy and in love", but while searching for it, I went through 3 marriages, along with several relationships, to never really finding it. Until I found myself in a life & death medical situation. GOD not only gave me the miracle of living but HE helped me regain all normal body functions when my family was being told that they needed to find a 24/7 facility for the hospital to transfer me to. GOD let them know HE was in charge and HIS plan included me showing enough improvement to being transferred to the hospital’s own rehab floor, to being released within a couple of weeks, returning home with my husband attending some out-patient rehab & therapy appointments, which within 6 months I was being totally released by the doctor, who called me a miracle and said that if he had not been present with me through all of this, he would never believe it had actually happened. By the way, GOD took me from "not going to live, to living out the rest of my life in 24-7 care facility, to being released to return home with my husband in a matter of a little more than 6 weeks… This year also presented more loss and many changes in my life, BUT I felt the peace, love, guidance, and leadership of JESUS holding me and walking with me through it all, and I still feel HIM with me on a daily basis. OUR GOD is so GOOD…
I was that person but worse. I was married and was a very very adulteress woman. Jesus found me too. It took time for me to understand I was ok alone and loved by My Lord!! Thank you for this story. I saw my life in this but couldn’t have ever said it, like this!! Thank you for reminding me I was saved and now am loved by Jesus!! Thank you Lord!!
I understand the way you felt. I was that person too. But God intervened in my life, I am a new person now. I have been so blessed over the years. I am 63years old, but I deserve nothing I have. God is just so good.
How powerful! I wish my daughter could resonate with this message .
Thank you
Incredible!! I am your twin sister of a different Mother!! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you! This so resonates with me. I have been divorced for more than ten years and have clumsily tried to enter the dating scene. But even at my age (58) I still find myself doing these things. I think that’s why I keep to myself most of the time. I know I’m not being honest with God (or myself) but am at a loss as to how to break this cycle.
I know this is a very old post, but Jackie, if you still follow this blog, please don’t give up hope. You say you’re at a loss as to how to break the cycle. A good Christian counselor is a good way to start. Praying for you.
This is such a powerful testimony. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I did not raise my son in the church or teach him who to run to. He has 2 daughters who know even less about Jesus, our Lord and Savior. But, in my valley of Achor I have HOPE that someone will come along side them as your friend did for you and help them see the Light. Blessings to you, and may you always remember who to run to when you’re in the valley.
What a WONDERFUL story!!!