For months, I’ve been making the two-hour-drive each week to help care for my mother in a nursing home. Sometimes it’s just for the day, but other times I stay a few days to help relieve my sister who lives near her and goes to the facility twice a day to make sure my mom is cared for and fed. During my visits, I feed Mom and update her on all that’s been happening in my life. I share a few pictures of recent family events from my cell phone. And I read to her from her favorite Bible passages. Sometimes she talks, often she doesn’t.
Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over ten years ago, though she probably had it long before. She hid it well. It was a battle at first! She vehemently denied there was anything wrong with her memory and that my sisters and I were “conspiring against her.” She called the police on my brother-in-law for disabling her car after she continued to drive when her license was taken away, left food to burn on her stove or in the oven, and said hurtful words. Her Alzheimer’s was very apparent—at least to us.
About the same time, Dad was diagnosed with dementia and placed in a nursing home. It was a difficult time to say the least.
As my mom slipped further into her disease, I grieved her loss; she was less and less the woman I knew. But after my dad died and as my mom left the denial stage, I learned to enjoy the new version of Mom. We moved her into a senior living facility near me. She was always so surprised and happy to see me—even if I’d called her just minutes before to tell her I was on my way. I got used to answering the same questions she’d asked five minutes earlier and challenged myself to add a new detail each time.
When costs rose in her senior care facility, we moved her near my sister, a nurse. Mom continued to need more care and was remembering less of her life. She began to need the help of a walker. A few months ago, she suffered a stroke, was hospitalized, and was moved to a nursing home under hospice care.
Last week my mom told me, “I just want to die.”
Although I understood—my mom is 92 and has lived a long and productive life and is now confined to a bed and totally dependent on others—I still felt great sadness and had to hold back the tears. I prayed with her and read a few psalms, but I was depressed most of the day. My thoughts were bleak. Life was far too short. Our country and the world were in chaos. And evil seemed to be triumphing. What kind of world would my grandchildren face?
On my way home, I turned on the radio. As I listened to a popular Christian song, I was reminded that God had not abandoned me, my mom, or the world. I recalled Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and His call to “look at the birds of the air” (Matthew 6:26). I was reminded that if God cares—and He does—for birds and flowers, He certainly has a far greater concern for people made “in [His] image” (Genesis 1:26).
As I drove, I “cast all [my] anxiety on him” knowing “he cares for [me]” (1 Peter 5:7). And I remembered that my mom (and all my concerns) were in God’s mighty hands and loving arms. I fell back on my lifelong verse, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). I could rest in Him.
I will continue to grieve the loss of the woman my mother once was—writer, avid reader, fierce mother hen, Bible study leader, and more—but for now, she’s still physically with me. On her better days, I see sparks of her former self in the twinkle in her eyes, a witty comment, or the occasional, “So how’s your family?” I’m thankful for that and have the assurance that one day soon I’ll see her again in heaven in a new, glorious, disease-free body (1 Corinthians 15:35–582 Corinthians 5:1–5). In the end, God is victorious!
–Written by Alyson Kieda. Used by permission from the author.
16 Responses
Hi Alyson,
I was strolling through my emails and, most times, just hit the delete button. But this time, the image of an elder hand caught my attention. Your article hit home because my grandmother went on to her final resting place in late July of this year (2022). I recall times my ladybug would not even recognize me shouting get this lady away from me. It hurt my heart each time until I played her favorite song by Alan Jackson, “O How I love Jesus.” Once she understood how to communicate with her new person, it did not hurt as much. This experience taught me so much about myself and what it is like to love a person indeed. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Stay consistent you mom may not to voice it but her soul can feel your love and care.
Best Regards,
Belle
Thanks, Belle, my mom died not long before this blog was posted. She was definitely loved by me and my sisters.
This beautiful, thanks for writing this Alyson.
That was such a beautiful story. My sister in law is going through that now with her mom. She has dementia. I will share your story with her. It was just such a blessing and yes, you will see her again in a new body! Bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your story. My family and I are and have been going through something similar. God bless you, your Mom and your family.
My Mom was also taken from us with mental decline. I also mourned the person she was. My sister and I regretted that we could not enjoy her as we were taking care of her as she had taken of us as a single mom. We know she is with her Father who had watched over her and us all our lives.
I still see her as I tucked her in the last time I saw her. I am thankful for the good memories and try not to allow the negative memories of those years when she wasn’t her dominate my remembrance of who she was. The things she identified with the most, even more than scripture were the songs she learned as a child like “Jesus loves me”. Thanks for sharing, Sue
I love your story and Journey with your Beloved Mother. The beginning and the end with Jesus. This is what we want most for our love ones. I too share your experiences with both my elderly Parents. I found Joy to have the privilege to care for them. God allow me ‘time to take the walk with Dad and Mom in the good and not so good.times. What a mighty God we serve to be with us every step of the way if we believe’. May they rest now in Peace. May we also receive the Peace that passeth all understanding as God Promised.
In Jesus Name Amen
THANK YOU for sharing your testimony! My Mom transitioned April 21, 2021 after being in a nursing facility for nine years! She had Alzheimers too. Being with her AND Watching her live through the stages of this terrible disease was heartbreaking! BUT, I KNOW the LORD was with her and me! I am truly grateful for HIS UNFAILING LOVE! During our Long goodbye (nine years) the LORD was FAITHFUL HE kept us through the pandemic and allowed me go in the facility to be with her during her last days on this earth. GRATEFUL🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾! THANK YOU for reminding me that no matter what… Our FATHER IS ALWAYS WITH US🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾!
Eloquently written. I have come to realize after my personal experiences of dealing with my grandmother who had Alzheimer, and now my mother, that life is a short journey but the journey is a process. God never leaves us or forsake us. In fact, he calls us friends. As I journey through life, God had always been with me and he always will. Although the complexities of caring for a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer elicits a range of emotions and many challenges, I have learned to just trust process, God is with me. I now see mom as who she is in Christ instead of through the lenses of the disease. Life is a journey for all of us, and our journey is a process, even for those with Alzheimer, but in the end we all win because of the victory we have in Christ.
Always, our Good is always victorious!!!
Very good writing that’s what I’m dealing with ,grieving the loss of how my mother really was at one time and what she’s slipping into today .so I am trying to rely more on the Lord for my faith and strength to get through it, thank you For your inspiration Patty b.
Thank you so much! I am going through the same thing right now! I know God made sure I saw your article today. 🙏🙏 I’m grieving my Mom as this disease steals her from us. I’ve been grieving for a couple of years, watching the woman I love so very much disappear. I also see bits of her former self and treasure those moments! My Mom has also said she wants to die. Wants to see my Dad and brothers and her parents and brother in Heaven. My heart breaks every day. Yes, she’s 93 but it hurts nonetheless. 💔 I do take heart in the Lord, and His kind watchfulness. I’m ever grateful to God for blessing me and my brothers with an incredibly strong, loving, courageous and faith-filled mother. Thank you again for your wise and caring words Alyson. You’re an inspiration! God bless you and your Mom and sister. 🙏
— Mary
To God Be The Glory! All praises be to God. Thank God for allowing me to hear His Holy Spirit reminded me of His words in Matthew 6:26. Again thank God for His word, and for you allowing God to use you use. God Bless!
Thank you so much for sharing your story of your mom. My mom too was very ill and I cared for her until she passed away. I too remember those special moments as I comforted her each day as she knew she was dying. I thank God I was with her and I too look forward to seeing her again in heaven pain and disease free. Thank you again for this sweet story. Blessings to you and your family…
Having worked in Assisted Living including a dementia care center for 25 years, I could relate to your story. Praying for your continued strength as you provide love and care to your mom. Christ’s grace and peace be with you.
Thank you for the encouragement you offer.