How do you feel about performance reviews? I find myself in an endless love-hate relationship with them. Learning how you excel and shine is nice to hear. On the other hand, the internal fear of missing an imaginary mark or just not being good enough can be hard. Our entire career hangs on these assessments—at least it feels like that. And it’s not just our jobs. Our marriages, parenting, and relationships can seem like a constant review of our worthiness. We can find ourselves performing for the love of others based on someone else’s standard, whether we agree with it or not.
I am a self-acknowledged people pleaser. That has both positive and negative connotations. Making people happy and satisfied gives me great joy. But when others are disappointed, sad, or frustrated, I internalize their emotions and the burden is heavy. If only there was something I could do better. How could I protect them from feeling this way? This thought process lands me in a never-ending performance review. The pressure is on.
When my husband is upset, rapid-fire thoughts of what I could have done to make it better or worse speed through my mind. If a co-worker disagrees with a process, I may want to find the right way for everybody, even if our project suffers. And when my kids don’t want to follow the rules, for the sake of harmony I may bend them . . . ever so slightly. Serving others isn’t a problem. Looking for solutions that benefit others is noble. But if we think our relationships hinge on one moment of unhappiness, we’re condemning ourselves.
The problem was I was carrying that same approach into my relationship with God. I was constantly measuring His grace against my sin. And when I experienced hardships or moments of discomfort, I would go back to my performance mindset. If I try harder, I will be closer to God. If I get it right, He will love me more. A stronger or better prayer would put me back on His good side. It’s easy to adopt this way of thinking when our focus is on religion instead of our relationship with God. But through Jesus, we have a restored relationship with the Father that nothing can change. We don’t need perfect performance in order to be loved or accepted by Him. There is no amount of good deeds that can ever measure up to His love demonstrated on the cross. Why do we so easily fall into the trap of thinking we need to work for God’s love? Where did we learn this behavior? And how do we resist the urge to vie for a place in His heart?
I am still thinking about these questions. But there are thoughts found in three passages I lean into when I find myself under pressure to perform.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8–9).
Thank goodness my salvation is not up to me! If it was, I would fail. God knows our hearts, our failures, and He still made a way for us to be reconciled to Him. This is a gift of grace we should remind ourselves of often.
“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble’” (James 4:6).
This verse reminds me to humble myself. The idea of performing for God’s love can subconsciously communicate that our deeds are equal to His character. Humility says I don’t deserve this grace, but I’m grateful.
“The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him” (Daniel 9:9).
We’re not perfect. Some days I feel further from the mark than others. But I am thankful that despite my behavior the Father’s love secured a place for me in His kingdom. He calls me daughter, not enemy.
I’ve realized that my performance is not what matters. When I feel like I need to achieve something to obtain love, I remind myself that Jesus’ performance is what truly counts.. It’s because of His love for me that I can fall, and He helps me get back up. It’s His sacrifice that allows us to have an everlasting connection with our heavenly Father. And the reminders of His love outweigh my need for perfection.
Today, I pray that we turn away from the pressure to perform and run to God’s sacrificial love that makes us perfect in His sight.
—Written by Bree Rostic. Used by permission of the author. Click here to connect with Bree.
16 Responses
Amen! ☺️🙏🏼❤️
Great article!
I absolutely agree and fall under this same category exactly. This is so perfect for the way we feel sometimes. Especially when Shaming ourselves. Thank you for being open and authentic. May the Lord bless you.
Thank you! I felt an immediate release of pressure after reading this, again I say thank you Bree!
AMEN AMEN AMEN👏👏👏👏
U said it my sista and I concur. If we all had that mindset oh how things would b so much better n our lives. I appreciate the reminder,thank u so very much!!!
Thank you for this message for me today, for I have faced your solution with a neighbor’s daughter. I speak to everyone that passes by me, but I didn’t understand why she didn’t speak back, NEVER, since yesterday and today. I felt like she was going through something, and I accepted that yesterday. Today was the same, when I spoke, but today she yelled at me saying"I don’t like you and that’s why I don’t speak back,and I want you to STOP speaking to me." I apologized and said okay and I won’t do it again. Today I don’t get upset about people who don’t speak BACK. It use to bother me, but NOT TODAY. Amen. That people pleasing is one of my defects of character that God has revealed to me that has to be squashed and I’m getting a lot better at wondering why I ever did it in the first place. God is constantly trying to get me to be more Christ like, to dust MY feet off and MOVE ON. Change isn’t easy but I’m becoming more at PEACE TODAY, when I accept others just where they’re at. PRAISE God for his many blessings in my life. Much love to you and your families. Diana Ross Reynolds. 👵🙏🤗🙌🙌🌹👍🏾
Thank you Bree. My company is conducting mid-year reviews soon. This is so timely. I struggle a lot with pleasing and fixing. Constantly the Holy Spirit reminds me – you are loved, you are important to God of creation and perfect love.
I Just read Galatians 3:1-9 When your post came though!!! I tend to strive in my flesh in trying to please My Heavenly Father for His Love knowing it’s what Jesus did and His Love I can rest in Peace and Joyful Hope
Thank you for words of wisdom. I need to wait on the Lord and not rush in to help everyone and then get disappointed when I get my feelings hurt. That’s why the word of our God in Isaiah 40:31 "but they that wait upon the Lord shall……..
He meets my every… single…need.
Praise God hallelujah
Thanks
As a young child, I can remember being told by my older religious relatives how disappointed God was with me each time I did something they deemed wrong or un-Christian, while still watching them display behavior that they and the church pastor preached was wrong. It really kind of made me give up on myself, believing I could/would never be able to be "good enough". I went through the majority of my life with an on-again, off-again relationship with Jesus. Thankfully He LOVED me enough to not give up on me, walking with me through some rough trials and tribulations, which I now realize was mostly caused by my own actions, you know the whole "free-will" thing. To this day I still stumble, but I work harder not to, and I’m confident that when I do, God will help me get back up, He knows I’m human and have not reached His "perfect" status yet, BUT He being my FATHER knows when I do, I will be living with Him.
Beautifully ,beautifully written and definitely explains my desires to love him ,also follow him thank you so much. Keep following him!!!
I never write on these things but today I needed to read this and be reminded that perfection isn’t required for God. Thanks Bree
Just what I needed today. God has Blessed me.
Thank you Father for loving me and forgiving me, just the way I am faults and all!!
So well written! Amen!