When God Feels Far Away

“Here’s the thing about relationships,” the speaker said as he continued his talk. My husband and I held hands, sitting close together in a large ballroom with hundreds of other couples investing in their marriages. “You’re always moving. I don’t mean physically; I mean that you’re always drifting towards either isolation or oneness with your spouse. There’s no sitting still.”

We had spent a good bit of the weekend cracking jokes under our breath and honestly not taking the sessions too seriously, but something about that last part stopped me in my tracks. I don’t know if it was the visualization of it on the large screen or the authority of the speaker’s booming voice, but I instantly felt the weight of the sentiment in my chest. Surprisingly, the reason those words impacted me had nothing to do with my marriage. It had everything to do with my relationship with God.

It only took a few seconds of self-reflection to realize that I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt the nearness of God. Had I been drifting towards isolation without even realizing it? It seemed like it was just a few months before when I was excited to invite Him into every aspect of my day, whether that was through reading Scripture or simply practicing His presence in both the extraordinary and the mundane moments of my life.

Feeling Far in Seasons of Distraction

Have you ever experienced a season in your life marked by busyness that, before you knew it, impacted your relationship with God? Let me be the first to raise my hand and say that I’ve been there far more times than I’d like to admit. It was never more obvious than the period of time when I got married while still in college, was working part-time, and interviewing for jobs, and again a few years later when I found myself with two babies under two, drowning in diapers and lack of sleep.

In those seasons, I’d eventually get to a breaking point while crying out to God and feeling like He was far from me. Here’s the thing, though: God never leave us. Chances are, we’ve just slowly stopped turning toward Him. It can sometimes feel like the distance we create is irreparable—like our shame is too big of a roadblock to overcome. But the truth is, all it takes is showing up. One day at a time, sometimes one verse or one simple prayer at a time.

Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Then in James 4:8, another promise: “Come near to God, and He will come near to you.” It’s not about earning His forgiveness or spending a certain amount of time in prayer to get back in His good graces. It’s as simple as seeking. Drawing near. Being intentional about the greatest relationship we can have.

If you’ve found yourself drifting away from God, start small. It can look like five minutes of honest prayer while folding laundry or listening to worship music on your commute instead of a podcast. It can be memorizing and meditating on one verse that stuck out to you or spending the first few moments after waking up thanking God for three things in your life you’re grateful for.

Feeling Far in Seasons of Faithfulness

What about those times when you feel like you are doing everything right—spending intentional time with God and listening for His voice—and yet He still feels far?

I remember the year that my husband and I took the scary leap of going into full-time ministry, knowing it meant relying on God to provide for us in ways we never had before. It was terrifying and exciting all at the same time, and year after year, the Lord kept demonstrating His faithfulness. Our passion for the work we were doing was unmatched, and it was obvious to us that God was with us, guiding us along the way.

Then a few years in, something started to feel different. We were still doing ministry and I was continuing to prioritize my time with the Lord, but my prayers started to feel like they were left unheard, simply hitting the ceiling. I couldn’t feel Him the same anymore. I believed He was still there, but I didn’t understand the silence. The longer it went on, the more muffled and almost hollow the connection felt. I couldn’t make sense of it. What had I done wrong? Was my faith not strong enough? Was I being punished?

I later learned about what the sixteenth century writer St. John of the Cross called the “dark night of the soul.” It describes a season where God feels silent or even absent though you are seeking Him. It doesn’t happen because of some moral failure or as a means of punishment. It is often a period of spiritual maturing where God is inviting you into deeper dependence rooted in trust.

This experience is a deeply human one that we can find throughout scripture. We see David crying out to God in His seeming absence throughout the Psalms, much like in Psalm 13:1: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” The beauty of many of David’s psalms is that they may start with questions about God’s presence, but his prayers then turn to what he knows to be true about God’s character. Later on in the same chapter, David says, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me” (vv. 5–6).

If you find yourself in a similar “dark night of the soul,” remember that the felt distance during a season of faithfulness does not mean you did something wrong. Sometimes God is growing a trust in you that is not dependent on feeling. Keep pursuing, keep seeking, and rest in knowing that your faith and relationship with Him will be deeper because of it.

There is Hope

We can live in the same house with our spouse and feel disconnected when we stop engaging. However, that doesn’t mean the covenant has changed or the love has disappeared. Similar to a marriage relationship, closeness with God is nurtured through attention, time, and honesty. Whether there is a feeling of distance due to distraction or a “dark night of the soul,” remember that you can anchor your trust in a God who is a promise keeper. He will never leave you, and His love for you will never fail. Just keep showing up.

—Written by Stephanie Teague. Used by permission from the author.