I have always suffered from severe anxiety. As a child, I would lose sleep over what others would think were insignificant details from the day. A questionable comment by an acquaintance or a difficult assignment in the days to come never failed to rob me of a good night’s rest.
After my husband died, the anxiety exacerbated to the point that I was having several panic attacks each week. The most frustrating part about it all was not being able to recognize the triggers that would result in a full-blown attack.
Have you ever struggled with anxiety? Whether you have experienced full-blown panic attacks or have an underlying fear that is always there, worry and stress can be paralyzing. Here is my story of finding peace amid the chaos.
Vulnerability and Honesty in Worship
I will praise you with my whole heart. Psalm 138:1
One Monday morning, I opened my Bible to Psalm 138. My pastor had used this text as the basis for his sermon the night before. As part of my worship, I read the psalm aloud.
Verse one says, “I will praise you with my whole heart.”
Even though I’d read this text several times over the years, it had new meaning to me that morning.
I can’t know everything that is in my heart, so how can I be sure to praise Him with my whole heart? I cried out to God, asking Him to show me my heart, to help me see my heart the way He does. To, if there was anything I was holding back, show it to me.
I began by praising Him for who He is. I praised Him for His holiness and His sovereignty over all creation, including my heart.
Then I began to thank Him for all He had provided. I thanked Him for my husband, for the assurance that Rodney was with Him, for the twenty-five-year covenant He had created between the three of us. I acknowledged that I understood that Rodney was now complete because he was with Him. I knew that this precious covenant was fulfilled.
Then I offered my marriage back to God as a heart offering.
That’s when it happened. I saw the problem in my heart. I was holding on to something that God had completed. I was holding so tightly that it had become a burden. My marriage was never a burden, but holding on to something that had fulfilled God’s purpose had become a hindrance to my praise.
Once I let it go and gave it back to Him, the angst inside my heart, which had always manifested as knots in my stomach, suddenly disappeared.
I experienced a peace I had not felt in years.
It was not only deep in my soul; it was physical. I felt lighter. Calmer.
When you live with anxiety as long as I had, you get so accustomed to gnawing in your gut that you don’t notice it until it disappears. My first thought was “God, what did you just do?”
Breakthrough to Peace
The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
My answer came immediately from God’s Word.
Philippians 4:6-8 came to my mind: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
With my heart offering, God had taken all of the anxiety I had struggled with all these years and replaced it with His peace.
In the days following, the panic attacks disappeared.
I have since had a few, but I could connect each one to a specific event and my own avoidance of the emotions surrounding the event.
If I saw something which reminded me of a happier time, I needed to make sure I didn’t push the grief down and try to avoid the sadness. The only way to avoid the panic was to let the grief wash over me like a wave, be in it for the moment, then let it subside. If I skipped that step, those emotions would resurge later as a panic attack.
But all of the unexplained, uncontrollable panic and anxiety was gone. God granted me perfect peace just as He promised. The lessons I took away from this experience?
- God always has a plan for His children. Even if we don’t understand it or see it, we need to do more than just accept it. Praise Him for it, even when we don’t know what the purpose of the plan will be, trust in the fact that He knows, and His plan is greater than our own.
- God always keeps His promises. The problem is we want our timeline followed, but God will follow His timeline for what is best for us, and what will bring Him the most glory. Our biggest challenge is to trust Him with it all. Trust the promises, and the timing. Then peace will come.
—Written by Tanya Nelson. Used by permission from the author.
32 Responses
I was blessed to watch Tanya and the way she allowed our blessed Lord to walk with her through her heart wrenching grief. She & Rodney adored each another. Thank you, Tanya, for sharing your heart to come alongside others who grieve.
Thank you for helping my daughter and I through your testimony. It hit hard, but opened our eyes more. Truly appreciated. God bless your heart and soul, simultaneously
Thank you for the wonderful, heart rendering and beautiful message.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing! Continued blessings.
I was truly blessed by this sharing. When we give God all our pain, uncertainties and grief; He takes it and weave something beautiful out of it
Just love this. It brings tears to my eyes. Keep walking in God’s purpose. On that glorious day of His appearance you will see your dear husband again.🙌🏿🙏🏿♥️
it continues to rear his head… but I too, have discovered that by knowing my triggers, I can head things off… the evil one doesn’t want this to happen…. visualizing putting on the armor of God helps, memorizing scripture so helps me pray in the moment, even drinking enough water helps me… I thank God for our greatest physician, but Dr.’s have helped me also. XO in Christ Jesus nancy
Thank you so much for this inspiring testimony. Anxiety is one of my pet peeves also.
Thank you for sharing your testimony, it was truly encouraging.
Thank you, Gwendolyn.
Thank you for sharing your testimony. It was truly encouraging.
Thank you.
Thank you for reading. 🙂
Beautiful, encouraging testimony about the goodness of God! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you!
I love to hear from your heart. I’m so glad you had sweet Rodney for your Soul mate you two made a sweet looking couple and I too know he is in heaven with the Lord and my Brother Tim. Oh what a rejoicing time they had together Praising Jesus.How what a beautiful picture. I’ve been reading your post on FB and your quotes from our Pastor and I could tell Jesus was about to do something great in your life girl I could feel the LORD working in you! Keep letting GO AND LET GOD. WOOHOO LET HIM SHINE THROUGH YOU🙏🏼IM SPEAK JESUS OVER YOU. CANT WHAT TO SEE WHATS NEXT!!!!
Amen. Thank you Lord.
Our comforter and helper.
Glory and honor to God for His faithfulness.
Shalom.
Thank you, Kathy.
Wonderful!!
Thank you, Reeca.
Love all your spiritual insights.
Thank you, Brenda. I’ve learned it’s in the suffering that God’s grows us the most. Beauty for ashes!
I really needed to hear this I too suffer from anxiety which in turn causes me to have high blood pressure. Thank you
Praying for you, Rodney.
Love this !
Thank you!
I love the perspective that when God’s purpose is completed and something ends, I should not hold it tightly in grief. I experienced that in the loss of a job and it took a while to see God’s hand because I was dwelling on my “loss.” Thank you for sharing your insight.
Thank you for your comment. I am so grateful God is faithful in our lowest moments, and redeems our suffering for His glory and our good!
Love you girl! Experiencing a lot of the same things in my life right now.
Praying for you, Stephanie.
Amazing! My heart is so full. This is a direct affirmation that God loves us!
God is so good to provide assurance – not because we ask for it, but because He loves us and wants the best for us. I’m so thankful He knows what we need better than we do!
Fantastic!!!!!! Proud of you!!!!