Hope, Healing, and Purpose

God Hears Her Podcast

Episode 235 Hope, Healing, and Purpose with Brooke Jevicks

Eryn Adkins & Vivian Mabuni with Brooke Jevicks

[Music]

Elisa: You’re listening to God Hears Her, a podcast for women where we explore the stunning truth that God hears you. Join our community of encouraging one another and learning to lean on God through Scripture, story, and conversation at godhearsher.org. God Hears Her, seek and she will find.

Mary Jo: Hey, friends. Unfortunately, the God Hears Her podcast has a sad update. Season 18 will be the final season of our show. Thank you so much for being a part of the God Hears Her community for all of these years. We have a special surprise for you with our big grand finale coming out this fall. Stay tuned for that. And now let’s get into the conversation

Eryn: Okay, so before we hit record, Brooke came in, and she lit up the room.

Vivian: Yes.

Eryn: And…

Vivian: True, true

Eryn: …and I’m just a true believer that somebody that can light up a room so bright…

Vivian: Mm.

Eryn: …is very familiar with darkness, cause they’ve had to fight for that light.

Vivian: Mm. Mm.

Eryn: And I…when I read your story, I had no idea how bright and beautiful you were gonna be when you walked in.

Brooke: That’s so kind.

Eryn: Um, and I truly mean it.

Brooke: Thank you.

Eryn: Um, one thing that I was really moved by your story, I just read just a few little blips, and we’ll have it in the show notes. Um, but for somebody that doesn’t know who you are, uh, Brooke, you’re a single mom of two amazing humans, non-profit leader, speaker, with an unshakable faith. Um.

Brooke: Thank you.

Eryn: I mean, you’ve survived abuse, navigated poverty, uh, nearly faced homelessness as a single mom, and you’ve learned how to rebuild your life, your career, your faith. Uh, one thing in your bio that I was really moved by is that your heart remains the same, to point people to the One who redeems, restores, and writes beauty into every chapter of our lives. And I believe that you have a true, deep- um, knowledge of that because of what you’ve encountered.

Brooke: Mm.

Eryn: And so I’m really excited for this conversation, to learn how you’ve got to that point.

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Eryn: So would you share with Vivi and I maybe a little bit of your backstory, maybe your faith journey, and then we’ll get into the nitty-gritty of some of the other things.

Brooke: Thank you. Thank you for such a kind introduction, and thanks for having me here today. Um, yeah, I’ve always…I’ve always believed in the Lord. I’ve always had Him in my life. I was really blessed with great parents who kept Jesus in our home. Um, I remember as a little girl my dad reading us the book of Revelation.

[laughter]

Vivian: Wow.

Brooke: I know.

Eryn: Now, he was like, “Y’all need to know.”

Brooke: Yeah.

Eryn: “Y’all need to know some things.”

Brooke: He was like, “Listen up, girls. We’re gonna get to the truth real fast, okay?”

[laughter]

Brooke: Um, and I would go out, there was this small little hill behind our garage. I would go up there on my knees, I mean, as a little girl, on my knees and beg Jesus to take me home before the rapture.

Eryn: Oh, bless your heart.

Brooke: And it was, and it wasn’t…it was…it was because I didn’t want to disappoint Him.

Eryn: Aw.

Brooke: Cause I didn’t want to be somebody who couldn’t tell the difference between the truth or not the truth or that’s how much, like…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …God was in our lives. And I know a lot of people who grew up with Jesus, and I never…I never walked away from Him. But there becomes a season when you aren’t in the Word so much.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Or, um…

Eryn: He becomes dim, or He feels dim.

Brooke: He becomes dim.

Eryn: He’s not dim, but feels absent.

Brooke: Or you believe in Him and you…but you just don’t realize until He drops you to your knees again.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Right, how much you need Him in every moment.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Right? And it was really through some of the things that you’ve mentioned…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …that that’s when I got to know Him.

Eryn: Mm. Mm.

Brooke: Right? And that He never, ever abandons you.

Eryn: Mm, yeah.

Brooke: And always gives you what you need. And I can’t even talk about it without tears, cause He’s just, He’s so powerful, and He’s so loving, and that’s what I’m excited to share with you today.

Eryn: Mm-hmm.

Vivian: I think about Psalm 23, and it…familiar to so many of us. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Vivian: And then the pronouns go from, “The Lord is my shepherd,” and then you, “Your rod, your staff, they comfort me.”

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: And that happens in the valley of the shadow of death.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: That there’s a shift that happens from the head knowledge, like the…

Brooke: Yeah.

Vivian: …longest distance is between the head and the heart.

Brooke: Oh, 100 percent.

Vivian: And so that head knowledge to become actualized…

Eryn: That’s good.

Vivian: …in real life ha- often…

Brooke: Your whole being.

Vivian: … yes, it happens.

Brooke: There’s a difference between reading it and…

Vivian: And knowing …

Brooke: …know…believing it and then knowing it.

Vivian:… and then knowing it.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: So to the woman that’s listening right now, she might be in that space where she’s been led, or she is in the valley. Whether it’s a choice that she made or the choice of somebody else that betrayed her, or s…whatever the circumstance may be that she’s walking in, I’d love for you to share what you can of your testimony of, like, of what that has looked like for you. Maybe what the valley has looked like, where maybe sadness and anger towards God, or not towards God, towards other people…

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Eryn: …have looked like. So you grew up in a Christian household.

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Eryn: And so then kind of take us, share what you can about learning that, that entering into the valley season…

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Eryn: …that this woman can maybe connect to right now.

Brooke: Yeah, absolutely. I have, um, as you said, you know, I have cer…I have gone through, um, abusive experiences. I have lived several… I think a lot of…most people go through some sort of trauma. I’ve certainly have gone through my own trauma. Um, you know…when your, when your life is, looks like it’s all perfect and it is falling apart in all the quiet places…

Vivian: Right.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …that nobody sees, and you’re…

Eryn: The quiet places.

Brooke: …sitting…yeah, you’re sitting in the chair holding your Bible begging and praying for the right answer. Or you are h- hopelessly trying to fall asleep at night…

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: …or, or dreaming through, whatever your experience is, right? Some of us are really good at walking out the door and putting on a smile…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …and cranking through the day, right? Because I remember just being a rock star at work when my life was falling apart.

Eryn: Yeah. Right.

Brooke: And so many people had no clue, right? Just had no idea, and there are people listening right now who can do that.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: Right? You can walk into that school with those kids and take charge of the classroom activities or the PTO or- you can go to work and be a rock star because it’s where you have some control.

Eryn: Yeah, right. Right, yeah.

Brooke: It’s where you can feel some- that you’re valued. It’s where whatever that experience is for you, right? Na- navigating poverty and being poor is hard.

Eryn: Yeah, what did that look like for you?

Brooke: Oh, man. I…some our…

Eryn: Like food stamps. What did it-

Brooke: I tried.

Eryn: Yeah. Yeah.

Brooke: I…I…I applied for, I think, food stamps or the Bridge Card, whatever that is called now. And I made just a tad too much money to get help. So, uh, and I know there’s a lot of…there are a lot of people out there in that.

Vivian: Yeah, yeah

Brooke: …in that, you know? And I just slid in by the skin of my teeth all the time. Right? Like, I, my kids today, God bless them, I…I… They’re the, they’re awesome. I love them. They make hardcore fun of me. I mean, and any of us who are moms right know that our teenagers…we are…we are their jokes.

[laughter]

Brooke: Right? And, you know, if you can just laugh along with them, let them own it. Let them have it, right? Right.

Eryn: Right, right, right, right.

Brooke: It is their love language.

Eryn: Don’t take it personally. Don’t…

Brooke: … in these special years.

Eryn: Man, and in the tender years, you’re…you’re so offended. Right?

Brooke: It’s hard.

Eryn: And insecure.

Brooke: It’s hard. Yeah. You know that, I would pray over that. You know, sometimes I really just prayed over the kids’ jokes.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And that I could have, I could receive those with grace. Cause, like, it wasn’t their fault I was tender.

Eryn: Yeah. That’s a great.

Brooke: It wasn’t their fault that I was in the valley.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: And…

Eryn: Oh, that’s a good word.

Brooke: And they needed to see a mom who could be honest about that in my…in my opinion.

Vivian: Sure.

Brooke: I’m not a therapist.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: I do want to make sure that that’s clear, but in my walk with the Lord and what I believed, I thought they needed to see their mom be honest. We can’t do a lot of these things.

Vivian: Right.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: We don’t, I…we don’t get to go on spring break.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: Right?

Eryn: Was that hard to break that news to them?

Brooke:  Man, it…at some, some…there were moments that it was. But then it’s, I don’t get creative. And in my day, you know, there were times that I got big boxes out and ma…had the kids decorate them like cars, and while they did that, I just threw chicken nuggets in the fry-in the oven. I found little toys at the bottom of the toy and just pretended we were in McDonald’s. And I just made…you know, we just pl- we just did our own stuff.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: I got…

Eryn: That’s so fun.

Brooke: …I had a Snow White dress from a…a Halloween many, many years ago, and I was like pick out your favorite dress, girlfriend. We’ll do breakfast with the princesses this spring break

Eryn: Oh.

Brooke: It’s…it’s gonna be you and me.

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: You know, so like we just got creative.

Eryn: I love that.

Brooke: Um, I, I always, when I tell these stories and things, want to highlight that sometimes it’s so hard and so dark and it’s so exhausting, you can’t be creative.

Vivian: Yeah, sure.

Brooke: So I always like to make sure that people hear me say that.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And that’s okay too.

Vivian: Yeah..

Brooke: It’s o- it’s…you can’t …if you’re in that space, God is still right next to you.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: Right? And you will have your own stories.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: In…in God’s time. He always turns ashes to beauty.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: Right? Like that’s the g…that’s the God we serve.

Vivian: Yeah. Well, Brooke, I’m curious, like how did you navigate with your kids? How much do you think your kids were aware…

Brooke: Oh. Mm, hmm.

Vivian: … of, you know, how tight things were: And how did you communicate, you know, with kids comparing themselves to each other.

Brooke: That’s a…

Eryn: Other families. [inaudible].

Brooke: That’s a great answer ques…that’s a great question. I always prayed over finding the balance of being honest.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: But not so much where it caused them fear.

Vivian: Sure.

Brooke: Right? Cause I don’t want them to be afraid that we’re gonna lose the house.

Vivian: Sure.

Brooke: Or that they won’t be fed. Or that they would lose their time with me.

Vivian: Right.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: Right? Like, I’m a single mom with shared custody, and they needed to know that they were safe in both places.

Vivian: Right.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Right? They need to know they could be safe. And so it was always important to me to make sure that, and we just talked about it, that this is…this is the truth.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Then I also always made sure to praise the Lord for all the things that we had too.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: We had a roof over our head. Hallelujah. And I for- when I was going to where they always made fun of me, and they make fun of me today about that I…they were raised on Little Caesars.

[laughter]

Eryn: Pizza, pizza.

[laughter]

Brooke: Right. And, um, so shout out to our little pizza friend out there. But, uh…

[laughter]

Brooke: …he, and I was like, yeah, but y- I just let them tease me for a long time, and now they’re old enough where they’re like, yeah, you…cause they were $5 dollars back then.

Vivian: Right, right.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: I could feed you for five bucks.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: That…that was a good deal.

Brooke: But we…there were so…so much for us to be grateful for too. Right? God always showed up in amazing ways. I…I did…I…I was very close…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …to being on the street. And within the same 30 days of having to…to sell my home and all of a sudden I was asked to take this other job that made no sense to me.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And I was like, “Are you sure? Cause I’m in ministry and I really w- I love being in ministry.” Like, what a joy to talk about You.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: You know, all day long in all my work, and what a joy to open up meetings in prayer. Are you sure?

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And He made it cle…told me to go And it was enough to put us in the house we’re in now.

Vivian: Wow.

Eryn: Wow.

Brooke: It was just enough to put us in a house. And then wouldn’t you know, a few months later, He t- put me right back, He took me right back to ministry. It wasn’t always like that.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: But there were small things to always be grateful for. There were days that I simply celebrated that I got…I got us up and I got us to school on time. And the lunches were packed.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: And I was gonna be home to take care of those kids when they got home.

Vivian: Wow.

Brooke: And that’s what we celebrated.

Vivian: Sure. Wow.

Brooke: Right? Um, it is perspective, but it’s…so of course it can be hard. There were…there were years that I prayed, you know, “Just show me what You want me to do. Just I will be obedient. Just show me. I will work hard. I pr-“, you know? Right. I will…I am not afraid of work. I am not  afraid of… I will be content. I will be…but just keep me somewhere safe with these kids, right?

Eryn: I also…I hear perspective. I hear surrendered.

Brooke: Oh, surrender is a big, big thing. I can honestly say that I don’t…I don’t know that I was fully surrendered..

Eryn: Mm-hmm.

Brooke: …in all those spaces.

Eryn: I would imagine it’s hard to be surrendered when you’re a single mom. You’re the protector. You’re the provider. You’re also aware of what you’ve come from. You’re healing that. You’re having to provide. You’re exhausted.

Brooke: Uh, yeah, I was gonna say, the exhaustion and your brain being so full. When you are in flight and fight and in…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …urgent emergency care. And you are just in reactive mode.

Eryn: Yep. Right.

Brooke: Non-stop reactive…

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: …to emergency to emergency to emergency. You’re just hanging on.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Your brain is so full and so used up in those spaces. Uh, it is very hard to get yourself to a proactive state.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: And that is something to be okay with if you’re in that space. It is…of course, it’s always great to get yourself to a space where you can work on getting out of that and heal from that. But if you are…if you are listening to this right now, and you are in that moment be proud of yourself that you’re here. Be proud of yourself that you can acknowledge, that you can even just acknowledge and give words to what you’re experiencing.

Vivian: Sure. [inaudible]

Brooke: And that you can keep going to the Lord, hopefully, right? You know, that’s a huge thing to give gratitude towards.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: So when I hear you describe that, Brooke, it’s like the… it’s absolutely something to be proud of because I think women are amazing. I think women are resilient. And you hear the stories of how they lift the Mack truck, you know, because, you know…

Brooke: Yes

Vivian: …the kid’s pinned beneath.

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: I’ve never actually seen that, but I can see that happening.

Eryn: Wait, tell us. What is this? I don’t think I’ve heard this.

Vivian: No, I…I’ve…I’ve heard, I’ve heard this. I don’t know if it’s actually true, or it’s just a story. But, you know, if a child is trapped under a truck, the…the mom can find the…

Eryn: The strength to lift the truck up.

Vivian: …to lift the truck up.

[crosstalk]

Vivian: The adrenaline or a mama bear [crosstalk]. So that as a framework.

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: Um, but again, unsustainable to be able to stay and remain.

Brooke: It is.

Vivian: Because it just takes such a toll.

Brooke: It’s…

Vivian: Because it’s not how God made us to live.

Brooke: Right.

Vivian: So…

Brooke: Right.

Vivian: …as you look back now from where…where you were and where you are, what was the pathway that God opened up for you to be able to move from a reactive state to being able to be proactive like you described?

Brooke: Yes.

Eryn: Great question.

Brooke: It’s a great question, and I will always say this to pretty much everything first, being in…being in His Word. Being in prayer for sh…y- you … the closer and closer you can get to Him, the more you can surrender. I will never forget the day I really fully surrendered. Um, which we can get to if you want. But, um….

Eryn: Yeah. Tell us that story.

Brooke: If I…I want to make sure that I finish answering your question.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: For the…for anybody who’s listening and thinking, “Please, please, what can I-” right, “What should I do?”

Eryn: Yeah, yeah.

Brooke: And also surround yourself with, if it’s only one person someone that is safe and that you can trust. There are friends who listen to the same painful sobbing story. And I…when I say sobbing, I’m not saying, like, woe is me sobbing. I’m saying choking it out because through my…through my tears and my sobbing and gasping for air.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: Um, and they listened to that for years. This, my…a couple of my friends listened to that over and over and over for years. Um, I also am grateful that I’ve been able to have therapy.

Vivian: Yeah, yeah.

Brooke: And be in therapy.

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: If you have access to that, I highly recommend that.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: If you don’t have access to that, then if you can find a scholarship, the YWCA, I actually got a scholarship for therapy for a year.

Vivian: Yes.

Eryn: Wow.

Vivian: That’s fantastic.

Brooke: When I didn’t have insurance. I think that’s important for people to know.

Eryn: Yes. So helpful.

Brooke: If you can get Medicaid find somebody that will see somebody with Medicaid.

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: That’s important to know.

Eryn: And there’s a lot of, um, therapy, a lot of therapists will do a sliding scale.

Brooke: Abs- yeah. Yes. That’s another great way.

Eryn: So that, I think that that’s something that…

Brooke: Income-based sliding scales. There’s all kinds of ways to ask if you have the strength or the courage to just call up anyone…

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: …and say, “I don’t know that I can afford you and work with you.”

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: “But can you give me a recommendation?” There are nonprofits out there…

Vivian: Yes.

Eryn: Yes.

Brooke: …that offer it.

Eryn: Let that not be a barrier to seeking help.

Brooke: Don’t let it be a bar…hope, yeah, don’t let it be a barrier. Um, if you need other options…

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: …you can certainly email me or find me. I’d be happy to connect you to somebody that can get you more options. You could call Wedgwood Christian Services or a local nonprofit in your area.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: Where…where regardless of where you’re listening, or a church. Maybe your church that has or knows those resources in your area that can put you in touch with somebody that can listen.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: I remember s- being in therapy sometimes I would just laugh and be like, “I’m not sure…I’m not sure if we’re, if I’m doing this with you right. It’s you just laugh at me cause I be…because I’m like when I am with you guys right now, I just talk and talk and talk and talk. So I’m like, “I don’t know. My therapist isn’t even telling me anything.” I think she’s supposed to give me direction, and there’s no time because I didn’t shut up.

[laughter]

Brooke: You know? But I…

Eryn: You’re like, “This needs to be a two-hour session.” One hour for me to talk and one hour for you to respond.

Brooke:[inaudible] I got… I still got a lot more to say. But in hindsight, but that was good. I had to get it out.

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: You had to verbally process it.

Brooke: I had to get it out so it would stop running on the hamster wheel.

Vivian: That’s right.

Brooke: Right? So journal it. Give it to the Lord. Go for a walk.

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Take, you know, um, something.

Eryn: So this…this, some of these things will take you from being reactionary.

Brooke: That was my experience.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Yes. For sure…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …talking about it with people that you can trust and you know is safe. Pray about that. Pray for discernment and wisdom. Right? Um, man, discernment is a place your friend Brooke has grown. [laughter] And I still have growing there to do, right? That is an awfully big spiritual gift. Right? Um, and I think that when you are…when you have dealt with abuse and trauma and you…your brain is…your pathways are likely, that does not mean that you are broken. It means that your experiences literally broke pathways. It blocked pathways in your brain. It’s just, it’s like a broken arm. And so then it’s just time to go work on that.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: To heal that and fix that.

Vivian: I think about how kind of God that He would create us in such a way that we can form new neural pathways to experience the healing.

Brooke: Oh my goodness.

Vivian: I mean, there’s…there’s…

Brooke: You just gave me goosebumps.

Vivian: I mean, it’s…it’s true.

Brooke: It’s so…it’s true.

Vivian: It’s like we don’t have to stay in the same stuck places. And that…I…it just, we were not wired to stay in constant stress.

Brooke: We are not.

Vivian: You know? And I…I just…

Brooke: We’re not..

Vivian: …think that that’s where in His grand design, He created it so that we had sleep.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: And even when we get sleep, it clears out a bunch of like, not so great stuff because we need to restore and um, recover, uh, that there’s space for that. And we are hardwired for community, for people, that in isolation…

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: …is where…

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: …we start to run to the unhealthy places. And our thought life can spiral out. I mean, there’s just so many things where it’s like we bring things into the light, we speak out the truth.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: We, I mean, it’s Psalm 62, “Pour out your heart to the Lord.” You know, like, so there’s just all of these ways…

Brooke: Amen.

Vivian: … that we can remain in connection with God, with one another, with the land. It’s the picture of shalom…

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: … in the Old Testament. That shalom was more than peace. It was like wholeness and integrity. This ability to do that. And I just…I love that picture, Brooke, that it’s like it may be for…

Brooke: It’s for all of us.

Vivian: … it’s for all of us.

Brooke: It’s for all of us.

Vivian: Yeah.

[music]

Mary Jo: Hey there. Has Brooke’s testimony made you think about your own relationship with God? Do you ever feel disconnected from Him in the reality of the week after church on Sunday? Check out Sunday God Meets Monday Mom, a 100-day devotional written by Erin Greneaux, to help you connect faith and real life. You can find a link for that in our show notes. Now back to the show.

Brooke: I think it’s John 7:38 where God tells us that, “If you believe in Me, you too will have rivers of living water flow through you.” He’s not talking about just a sprinkle.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: Or a little splash on you, right?

Vivian: Yeah, yeah, yes.

Brooke: He is…He is promising every one of us rivers…

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: …of living water to flow through us. All you have to do is believe.

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And whisper a help.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: And He’s…and He is there for you. He just wants us to reach out.

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Um, even Moses had to j- right? He had to…to stab the staff in f…before the water separated, right? He wants us to just…

Eryn: Make motion.

Brooke: …take a just…just one tiny little s- ask or outreach. Right?

Vivian: Yes, yes.

Brooke: And…and He’s right there.

Eryn: That’s such a good word.

Vivian: And He’s made us to depend, which I think about the 12-step…

Brooke: Oh yes.

Vivian: …the 12 steps with Alcoholics Anonymous.

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: It’s step one, I can’t. Step two, God can.

Brooke: Yes.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Step three, let Him.

Brooke: Amen.

Vivian: I mean, again, it’s that posture of dependence and interdependence with one another. But there, it…it’s how we live.

Brooke: It’s how we craft it.

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: It’s so…

Eryn: A good word.

Brooke: And…and I mean, He’s our Shepherd. If you think about how, you know, the shepherd and how the sheep are and the k…

Vivian: Yes…

Brooke: …kind of animal a sheep is and the…they’re not the smartest animal. They need a shepherd to guide them. You know? I mean, there’s just, isn’t it awesome? Like, just not any…anything. You know, I’ve…everything has already been done and laid out for us. I’ve been reading a lot about neuroscience. Right? Cause I’m so fascinated about, by…by the brain. I remember people being so frustrated with me that any time I get bless my mom’s heart. Any time I get up there, she’s…she’s like, “God bless you. You say you want to come up here and visit, but you sit on the couch and wow.”  [laughter] Like, for a long time and…

Eryn: That’s sweet.

Brooke: … and then it was later when I started having more time to read that I thought, “Oh, I didn’t know that trauma and stuff exhausted you so much that I asked my therapist about that. She goes, “Yeah. You probably have years there were so many things that happened, I …” She goes, “You probably have years of rest…

Vivian: Yeah.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …to catch up on.” It is important for people to hear that. That in all of those spaces of what do you do? So give yourself that space.

Eryn: Yeah, take a holy nap.

Brooke: Let yourself.

Vivian: That’s good.

Brooke: Let yourself go to bed early or don’t worry. I mean, people make fun of me sometimes about, like, “You’re just gonna let those dishes sit in the sink?” I’m like, “Yes.”

Eryn: And take a nap.

Brooke: Right, I need a nap. Or I need to go to bed. I’m exhausted. And I’ve learned too much of…God’s revealed too much over the years. They will be there tomorrow. You know? Yeah. It will be…no one’s gonna get hurt from it.

Eryn: Yeah. That’s right.

Brooke: Right? That’s a good one.

Eryn: It’s not an…

Brooke: No one’s gonna get hurt from that.

Eryn: It’s not an immoral decision.

Brooke: It’s not immoral.

Vivian: That’s a good answer.

Brooke: Right. It’s not about your… It’s not salvation. It’s not the eternal plan. So it’s okay.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Yeah. No, that’s good.

Brooke: It’s okay. I was…I was talking about blooming where you’re planting with a group of women not too long ago at Camp Mishawana. And I love John 15:5 too about you know, I am the vine. God is the vine. You are the branches. That mean He is the source of life. Right? And we talked about how even plants and trees when they aren’t getting w- that living water, or they aren’t being watered, they might look okay for a couple days or even a couple weeks.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: But at some point, they dry up.. And something is happening down deep.

Vivian: Yes.

Brooke: In all the spaces, those dark spaces you can’t see. Right?

Eryn: That’s a good word.

Brooke: And that’s wh- so if you need that sleep or that nurture or the water or the r- wh- that’s what you need. Your body is God’s temple.

Vivian: Yeah

Eryn: That’s so good.

Brooke: And it’s okay to slow down, to let the dishes…

Vivian: Let the dish…

Brooke: Let the laundry pile be a tad bit bigger than you want it to be. That’s…that pile of laundry isn’t the picture of your walk with the Lord.

Vivian: Yeah. Or your life.

Brooke: Or your life. Yeah. Or you as a human.

Vivian: Yeah, it doesn’t define you.

Brooke: That doesn’t define you. It really doesn’t.

Vivian: That’s a good word.

Brooke: I get that that’s hard. I have friends who that’s really hard for, and I…I get that and respect that, and I don’t want to take away from that from people who are like, “That is what brings me peace, so check you later.” Check you later, Brookie. I’m not interested in that part of this podcast. I get that. That’s okay. But…

Vivian: I do want to point out, though, I do appreciate how you have been really clear, like, this has been part of my story.

Brooke: Yes.

Vivian: Or this is…you know, so you’re not giving a formula for anyone.

Brooke: No.

Vivian: It’s more really good suggestions and things that have…you found helpful, and I really appreciate- that posture.

Brooke: Yeah, thank you. That’s kind. Y- yeah. I, cause it is ultimately all the Lord.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Right? And so wherever you are with the Lord- and how…and…and how you want to speak to Him, I have gotten to this incredible place where you had mentioned unshakable faith, and some people might call it, like, I have a f- some friends who say that I am aggressively joyful.

[laughter-crosstalk]

Vivian: That could be in your bio.

Brooke:: When they told me that I was like, you listen up, I’m owning that. You might be cheesy…

Vivian: That could be your T-shirt

Brooke: But that sounds lovely, right?

Vivian: Aggressively joyful.

Eryn: I love that.

Brooke: I think we need, I need some…we need some merch…

[crosstalk]

Brooke: …on that You can get some merch there, yeah. Because I’m down for that. You know, I’m like, you know, didn’t you sing I got the joy, joy, joy?

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: Down in my heart.

Eryn: In my heart, down, down.

Brooke: Right way down.

Eryn: Down in my heart.

Brooke: That is the…we were singing about a special kind of joy.

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: And when you have that…

Eryn: Yeah.

Brooke: …um, stress doesn’t go away.

Eryn: Right.

Brooke: The valleys don’t…

Eryn: Disappear …

Brooke: …disappear. You don’t get to just live on a mountaintop now.

Eryn: Right. Right.

Brooke: Right? Like there are going to be stressors. There are going to be hard things. There are going…

Eryn: And more valleys.

Brooke: There are going to be more valleys. But the more that you learn through those and grow in the Lord and allow those rivers of living water to flow through you, and fully surrender, dare I say, or as much as you can in where…where you’re at right now. Um, when I fully s- I fully surrendered, I was…

Eryn: Yeah. Tell us, what was that like?

Brooke: I was…it was definitely when I was that the enemy just kept poking me about maybe the kids would be better if you were gone. Maybe everybody would be better if you’re gone. Like, all the hard stuff is around you. If you…maybe if you’re gone, everybody’s can just have it easier. And if…if that truly was the tr- if that was the truth and that was a gift, I wanted to do it. But I also knew, thank the Lord, because I had Jesus, I knew that wasn’t the truth.

Vivian: Yeah, yeah.

Brooke: But I would have to, it sounds like a crazy person, but…

Eryn: No.

Brooke: …I would rock. I just sound like, you know, like, I just feel like you’re cra- like, I just don’t know. Like, I…I would just, I just would say my kids’ names back and forth. Back and forth, back and forth, and I would …it actually, even in that space, it took me a while before I thought, oh, you haven’t even gotten on your knees and prayed. Right? Like, even when you already know, and you’ve already seen God at work, right? Goodness. What? I, here I am, still trying to be strong.

Eryn: Yeah.

Vivian: Right.

Brooke: And it’s great that I’m strong, and that I found strength and resilience and grit and tenacity…

Eryn: Sure.

Brooke: …and all these. That’s awesome, but not without the Lord.

Eryn: Right.

Brooke: What does it mean without Hi…Him and His grace and His mercies and His faithfulness, right? Um, so I mean, I would…I got on my knees, and I said, “You know, I…isn’t wild to think how much you love your children, that He loves them more?” I’m like, “I’m…they’re yours.”

Vivian: Yeah.

Brooke: They’re entirely yours. I am entirely yours. I can’t do this without You. I can’t…I can’t stop these thoughts and this feeling.” And you have moments where you think you’re a failure, and that’s…it’s…so for somebody who’s thinking that, you’re not. You’re not, right? Because the Lord chose to make every one of I mean, He looked at this world and thought, “This world needs a Vivian.” Right? This world needs a you and a me.

Vivian: That’s right.

Brooke: And He has crowns ready for us.

Brooke: Well, Brooke, I…I know that … I, well, I just want to say, I love that we can share both, like, the grief and the sadness. And then there’s this joy and this beauty on the other side, and then within the, within it. I just hear consistently in your story curiosity. Like, you’re just so curious about how God can show up instead of how can I beat myself up. Like…like, you’ve just chosen to reshape, reframe your perspective. And it’s not to make your circumstance less than or more flowery. It’s…it’s to really truly see who God is in your life. And it’s just, it’s inspiring, and it’s infectious. And I hope that the woman that’s listening today just feels this hope. And oh, I’m gonna get emotional. And I hope that they can borrow, your faith that they may not have right now. And, uh, I would love it if you could pray over that woman as we close. Just go wherever you feel like the Holy Spirit is leading you, um, and…and meet her where she’s at right now.

Brooke: I would love to. I heard a doctor speak last year. Her doctor…her name is Dr. Angela Farris, and she’s been studying the science of hope. I did not know that you could borrow people’s hope. So it’s so interesting that you just said that because I believe that with my whole heart. And but so let’s pray over it.

Eryn: I love it.

Brooke: Dear good and gracious God, we come to You today and thank You so much for this beautiful day together. Thank You for your new mercies. Thank You for your faithfulness. Thank You for your relentless, everlasting, unconditional love for every single one of us. Lord God, I pray right now that You are with the woman who is with us today listening. I pray that she will feel You with her, that she will feel your presence, that she knows You, that she knows You deeply. Um, and if she doesn’t, that…that she will pray right now to…to have that walk with You and to grow to know You deeper, Lord Jesus. That she can live life with those rivers of living water flowing through her, Lord Jesus. That your Holy Spirit will fill her, Lord Jesus. Fill her heart, fill her mind, fill her soul, fill her life, Lord Jesus, that she can fully surrender to You. Lord Jesus, that she can have an unshakable faith and a bold, real joy that comes from You and not her circumstances, Lord Jesus. That she will know without a shadow of a doubt, Lord Jesus, that You are the God that absolutely nothing is too broken for, for You to redeem. No calling is too far gone for You to restore, Lord Jesus. That You have a crown waiting for her, that You adore her and delight in her, Lord Jesus, and that that will bring her joy right now. That that can bring her smile, a smile, and that she too can live a life of seeing You in all things. Um, whether it’s in the valley or on the mountaintop or in the in between, Lord Jesus, that she knows You are near, that You have not and will never abandon her. That You do have good plans for her, plans to prosper her and to not harm her. Lord Jesus, I pray that she will know that she can reach out to us or to whomever You’ve put in her life, Lord Jesus, that she has a good sister to go to, but that You will give her, her strength, that You will give her, her courage, that You will give her, her rest. Lord Jesus, that she will hear what You need her to hear, that she will see what You need her to see, and that she will just, she will find victory in a life with You. In your precious and holy name we pray, amen.

Eryn: Amen.

Vivian: Amen.. Thanks, Brooke.

Brooke: Thank you so much for sharing your time with me.

[music]

Eryn: Well, friends, be sure to check out our website to subscribe to our email list or check out the God Hears Her books and devotionals. Find that and more at godhearsher.org. That’s godhearsher.org.

Vivian: Thank you for joining us, and don’t forget, God hears you, He sees you, and He loves you because you are His.

[music]

Eryn: Today’s episode was engineered by Anne Stevens and produced by Jade Gustman and Mary Jo Clark.

Mary Jo: We also want to thank the amazing Our Daily Bread Ministries phone team for all of their help and support. And be sure to keep an eye out for the big God Hears Her finale coming this fall. Follow our socials or subscribe to our YouTube channel to make sure you don’t miss it. You can find all those links on our website or in our show notes.

Vivian: Our Daily Bread Ministries is a donor-supported, nonprofit ministry dedicated to making the life-changing wisdom and stories of the Bible come alive for all people around the world.

[music]

Vivian: God Hears Her is a production of Our Daily Bread Ministries.